How To Develop Easy Strategies For Coping With Anxiety

Do you find your anxiety getting in the way of your life?

If you’re anything like me then life on lockdown has brought all the thoughts and feelings of overwhelm crawling out of the shadows and interrupting your plans. That’s if your plans could be any more interrupted from most of the world being on lockdown.

However, I have absolutely no intention of increasing those feelings of overwhelm, anxiety and panic that you’re probably trying to get away from right now, but it's hard not to mention it, right?

You’re a mum. You’re living with chronic illness or mental health problems. You may even be shielding. You may be living in a small space and feeling a lack of personal space. Life might just be full on, crazy, arghhh. 

You may be worried about family you can’t see and so much more that it’s no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed. But you know what, it’s okay not to be okay. If you feel the need to cry, cry. If you feel like curling up under the duvet right now, do it! Yours and your family’s well-being is all that’s important right now.

If I was to recommend something to help with the stress than I find lavender an extremely useful oil to use when I'm anxious. My preferred way of using this at any time of day or night is to have this Neal’s Yard Calming Temple Salve to hand.

But that’s the last reference I'm going to make to the C word. I’ll be focusing on overwhelm, anxiety and panic generally and what can contribute to these feelings. I’ll cover how you can limit the impact of these feelings on your everyday life and most importantly set you up with a plan for how to cope, when it does.

By the end of this blog you will:

• Understand why our body reacts to stress in the way it does

• Have a way of making sense of your feelings of overwhelm

• How to limit the impact of overwhelm on you and on your family

• Have a plan to cope with anxiety when the unexpected happens

* Disclaimer - this blog post contains affiliate links. Any purchases made through these links will give me a small monetary reward, without any cost to you. I only recommend products I genuinely like and use.

Why does our body react to stress in this way?

Stress is the body’s natural way of protecting us from harm. The brain reacts to stress in the same way it would have reacted to the threat of danger, when we were primal beings. The brain can’t tell the difference between real danger or not so our bodies react, which can be very scary. 

Our brain gets confused so sends signals to our body that we’re in danger. Our heart rate increases, we breathe faster and are on high alert. This is known as the primal fight or flight response and it’s something we all experience, but in differing degrees. 

At first our body may respond with a feeling of worry but this can increase to anxiety or panic attacks. We may sweat, feel dizzy, tense up or get fidgety. We can get stomach aches and even feel sick. It can be very unsettling and we may not know what to do.

My advice is always to listen to your body, but to do that properly here you need to understand why it’s happening.

The Science Bit: 

Every thought releases chemicals, so when we’re feeling happy or optimistic, cortisol levels decrease and our brain produces serotonin. This makes us feel less anxious and creates a feeling of well-being. However when the stress response occurs, the brain sends signals to the adrenal glands which pumps out cortisol, putting us on high alert and ready to fight or flee.

To know what we need to do from here we need to dig a little below the surface and really consider what is making us feel like this. So I’m going to give you the tools to be able to work out what is going on for you. Obviously, this will be in the form of self help exercises. If you notice a worsening feeling whilst doing these, please stop and seek professional help.

How you can make sense of your overwhelm

I’ve dealt with overthinking, overwhelm and high anxiety levels since I became a mother. I’ve always been an overthinker but caring for small humans increased that, as I was on high alert from the pressure to do it all right, but also that primal need to protect my young. 

I think many new mums go through this, in fact I still have this need to protect and my boys are teenagers now! Of course, we all experience this differently and the way I deal with overwhelm depends on the situation. However the journey I’m going to take you on now, uses a method that works for me most of the time.

As a mum, you’re probably also dealing with other stresses in life, such as a trip to the supermarket, being stuck at the traffic lights at pick up time or sharing a few cross words at home. There will be other things lying around with these possible low level stressors right now but any of these are going to tip the balance.

The Stress Scales Exercise - Part 1

These stressors can be stuff at home, work, family, relationships or all of the above. Use this exercise to get stuff out of your head and get some breathing space. Just to be clear this isn't the stress scale that psychologists use, it's simply placing everything that’s going on in your mind into a visual you can work with. 

Step 1

I want you to imagine a set of old-fashioned scales. One side holds all the things that make you feel happy, calm, love and optimism. On the other,  I want you to imagine the things that are making you feel stress, anger, disrespect and negativity. These are your life balance scales, including everything in your life now.

Once those scales have been tipped it's going to take work to get back the balance you need to function well. You may be wondering how you go about this. You can’t help getting stuck in traffic jams or having work deadlines, right? Of course not, so you’re going to choose to take on something that you can control. 

Step 2

I want you to prioritise everything that’s been swirling in your mind and is now weighing down one side of those scales. I use the visual of stress scales as a simple way you can start to understand your overwhelm. You can write or draw, if you're artistic, a simple representation of how your feelings are affecting your life. 

You will need some coloured pens or pencils

Put everything on your mind, that makes you feel happy and calm on one side of the scales. On the other, the things that are causing you any stress, negativity or even anxiety. Let this be a brain dump exercise. Getting all of the things that are playing on your mind down on paper often helps limit the impact on us. 

Take a moment to consider if anything is missing from your image. This is an activity you can repeat regularly and whenever you feel the need to reassess. 

Making a plan to limit the impact of overwhelm on you and on your family

The simple exercise of getting your feelings down on paper begins the process of working through your feelings. Sometimes we try and bury the negativity or the pain. Whereas focusing on these feelings starts the process of working out what’s causing the majority of your overwhelm.

When you know what your negative thoughts and feelings are, you can begin to take gradual steps towards making everything more manageable. Please take the next part of this exercise one step at a time. The worst thing you could do would be to allow these feelings to take control. Ask someone to help you if you need it.

Step 3

Now you have this visual representation of your stress, read what you’ve written or drawn. Maybe you notice a pattern in the mix. What is most urgent? What keeps getting pushed back to another date because of the urgency of work deadlines? Take as much time as you need to reflect on this.

I believe that we can cope better with stressors when we push forward the importance of those things that make us feel happy. This goes back to the science of what happens in the brain when we think positive thoughts. So is there something you could do more often from your positives? Maybe this could be one of your priorities?

Step 4

Now look at the list of stressors in more detail and start to prioritise. My advice here is to prioritise as little as possible, whether it's things at work or home. The reason for doing this is so you can take back control of as much of life as you can.

How to make the choice of what you prioritise? 

This is the difference between what’s urgent and what’s important. It’s easy to confuse and get overwhelmed and create a big list. This is about taking that away and finding the one thing you need to do now. 

Start by using coloured pens (of your choosing) and make a note of:

• A few things that are top priority (can be 2 colours)

• Things that you have to do now

• Things that you can do later

• Things that you don’t need to do at all

• Things that need to be done on a regular basis

Now everything is colour coded, look again at what you’ve prioritised. I find it really important to reflect regularly on whether expectations are realistic. Have you prioritised using your own expectations of yourself or expectations put on you by others?

Step 5

Work out what you can control out of those higher priority tasks. Finding things we can control helps us feel less overwhelmed and can lessen the feelings of anxiety. This should narrow down your list. If you’re putting that pressure on yourself, is it a vital task? Can that job be left for a bit longer without causing problems. 

Once you’ve done that you can prioritise one of these tasks that you have to do now but are also important for your well-being. We all cope differently with stressors so this is something you need to think through yourself. 

If something work wise is weighing heavily and only you can do it, then it’s priority. Or if your toddler is constantly drawing on the walls that you’ve just painted, then that might be what’s stressing you out the most. You can even make a pros and cons list here if you really can’t decide.

Choose just ONE of these priority tasks.

Step 6

The next step is to create small goals to work with as this is easier for your brain to cope with than a large, final outcome. For example: you have to deal with your child being rude to you when they come off of the Xbox. What do you want to achieve? What does the finished outcome look like? Work backwards from here.

Create 3-4 steps you need to put in place to reach the outcome. Start with a small step by looking closely at what’s going on. What will be the least stressful set of actions? The last thing you want is more stress. Write the goals in positive language, for example, ‘I will respond to rudeness by taking a deep breath and counting to ten. 

Ask yourself these questions: 

• Is the overall outcome realistic and achievable? 

• How long will it take to get there? 

• Do the steps to get to the end point make sense?

• What help will I/We need to meet each small goal?

Step 7

Finally, go back to that list of things that make you happy. For me this is family time or spending some time pampering myself. Go back to each of the steps for your goal and place a reward for when you achieve the goal, using the things that make you happy. It could be a bubble bath or a family picnic on the lounge floor. 

You can save the best reward for the final outcome. If your goal involves someone else’s behaviour then be sure to reward them too. It could even be something you haven't got on your scales now but want to. 

The idea of this exercise is to find the balance so that you can move those things over to the other side of the scales and feel like you have control over the things you need to do. I find that one long list of things to do isn't helpful for my mindset. By breaking it up like this you can get a clearer image of what you need to do.

How I cope with anxiety when the unexpected happens

I don't know about you but when the unexpected happens I get thrown. It can be as simple as my routine changing or seeing a friend at the last minute. I know that sounds off, don’t get me wrong, I love being with friends, even via video call, but it can leave me feeling like I haven't achieved what I'd planned for the day. 

This used to be really stressful for me. However, I've developed a system in my planner so that I can carry things over to another day, week or even month. This goes back to my priorities, Is it more important to be with my children or clean out that cupboard? Again, this is a very personal thing but it helps.

Using a journal is a wonderful way to record your feelings, write daily intentions and reflections. These actions will become a healthy habit and this will help you think more positively about situations or work through strong emotions during a huge life event.

I said before that most of the stress I feel is because I expect so much of myself. It wasn't until we had family therapy and my boys felt able to tell both Joel and myself that we should give ourselves a break, that I really noticed. They were in upper primary school, but their words meant a lot to us both.

Now I remind myself of all the small things I've achieved each day, whether they’re part of my priority goal or not. I write down the things I've achieved or am pleased about in my journal. I do this every day, even on the bad days, I try my hardest to find the small wins as this helps me think positively, reducing my anxiety levels.

If your anxiety is severe and you suffer from flashbacks then this self help article from getselfhelp.co.uk explains how grounding techniques can be used to bring you into the present if you suffer from distress and trauma. However, please seek medical advice if you feel you need help with your feelings right now. 

Developing Coping Strategies For Anxiety That Work For You

But what happens when all these little things fail? You’ll need something to fall back on that you know works and is tried and tested. If you are looking for something to help you when the unexpected happens then I recommend reading this blog I wrote about Meditation For Well-being.

However, there are other, simple exercises called grounding techniques that can help get you back on track when you feel out of control, anxiety or panic. They are easy to use when you feel overwhelmed, anxious or even during a panic attack. 

If you just can’t wait, grab my free easy grounding techniques guide now. Click here to download this guide to help you develop your own coping strategies for living with invisible illnesses. 

I believe that having support on your journey to coping with chronic illness and everything that comes with it, is priceless. This blog skims the surface of this topic but it’s the perfect start for tackling the stress you’re feeling right now by finding strategies that work for you. 

What Are Grounding Exercises?

Grounding exercises are calming strategies you can use as a simple way to calm you when you’re suffering from anxiety or panic attacks. They help you keep your mind and body working together, making you focus on the ‘here and now’, to ground yourself when everything’s getting too much. 

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, being able to connect your mind and body using your senses, brings you into the present. This helps you to break patterns that lead to the anxiety or panic attacks. They can be as simple as breathing exercises or as structured as a traditional meditation.

I’ve created a quick guide to grounding exercises where I share my top 5 techniques and easy tips to help you learn them off by heart so you can access them more easily when you’re experiencing fear or anxiety. You can get this guide by signing up to my email at the bottom of this page.

I recently shared one of these grounding exercises on social media and it helped so many people that I’ve decided to share it here for you ⬇, it’s also in the guide. This gives you a taster of how packed full of value, my newsletter will be for you.

This 5 4 3 2 1 grounding technique is great for children too. Check out this article from Coping Skills For Kids. It explains this exercise very clearly. I’ve also set up my free guide with fun ways to learn this and the other techniques, most suitable for children. I know that these exercises would have helped Eldest when he was fighting severe anxiety.

The Takeaway

Firstly, if you can understand why our body reacts to stress the way it does, you can rationalise it. When you feel overwhelmed, it's okay to feel like you’re out of control and it's normal to feel that drop in your stomach and your heart racing. Remind yourself it’s your brain sending signals to your body to protect you from fear.

Finding a way of making sense of your feelings of overwhelm and stress is so important. The stress scales exercise I've shared with you might not be for you. However, finding the patterns is often the first step towards limiting the impact of overwhelm on you and on your family. 

This will be different for everyone and probably different for you in different situations. Once you’ve prioritised your needs and the needs of your family, you can look at those patterns and create a plan to help put you back in control. Remember that we all have days when our systems don’t work. 

Please remember that it’s okay not to be okay, especially right now. You may find that you need to put everything away and snuggle in pyjamas watching TV all day. You may find that organising and sorting helps keep you distracted. Whatever it is that suits you, you need a plan for coping when things don’t go to plan. 

I’ll share more with you soon but if you need support please email at strengthoftears@gmail.com and I’ll see if I or someone I know, can help you.

Stay safe, 

Laura 💜

P.S. If you need more support with anxiety showing up when the unexpected happens, then please grab your free copy of my ‘5 grounding techniques you need for coping with anxiety’ guide. These exercises have helped me so much and they are so easy to learn.

✋ Hey there! I hope you’re feeling stronger now. If so, sharing the love will help me help other mums with chronic invisible illnesses.⬇  Hit one of those sharing buttons or save the images to Pinterest and I will do a bed-bound happy dance - there's an image for you!