Category: communication skills

  • 7 Skills You Need To Live A Fulfilling Life

    7 Skills You Need To Live A Fulfilling Life

    7 Skills You Need To Live A Fulfilling Life

    7 Skills You Need To Live A Fulfilling LifeDo you ever wonder if you’ll ever be able to realise your hopes and dreams? In this blog I’m sharing how I got into the right mindset for change to reach my personal goals. I had to understand what I do and…

    Do you ever wonder if you’ll ever be able to realise your hopes and dreams? Maybe you can’t be arsed with it all anymore. I get it, it’s hard work to even think about change when you’re dealing with life and all the shizz that goes with it. But have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe you could achieve more? 

    It would be so easy to just keep on doing what you do, when you live the frazzled mum life. But have you thought about not being such a hot mess Mum? Yeah you look great doing it but you could genuinely be as happy as a pig in shit clover! Aren’t you up for a challenge? Maybe hearing how I came to be that happy pig will help you. 

    My own experiences of being super stubborn meant that it was more like I’d face planted that shit clover at first. I damaged my own and my family’s well-being by being so stuck in my ways, but I was scared! When I started taking notice of my behaviour patterns, I knew I had to make some changes. 

    However, you have to be in the right mindset for change so I needed to do some work on that first. I reflected on past experiences to see what I do and how I act when I’ve achieved and when I’ve failed. I began to understand my behaviours and how this affected my happiness. I had to see my strengths and weaknesses so I could grow.

    I believe that we need to build the foundations of our well-being. Part of that is looking at our tools for personal development. We have to build and develop the skills we need to live a fulfilling life. In this blog I’m sharing how I got into the right mindset to develop the skills to reach my personal goals. The 7 skills are: 

    • Positive Thinking and Self Talk 

    • Setting Boundaries 

    • Building Healthy Relationships 

    • Managing Stress Levels

    • Being Self Aware

    • Drive For Learning

    • Emotional Resilience

    Affiliate links disclaimer. The items I recommend are only products that I love

    Mindset – What shapes you?

    It’s important to have a growth mindset when you go through change. For these skills to be effective tools for leading a fulfilling life, you need to establish an openness to learning. When I was a teacher I lived with anxiety, however, I would try to carry on as usual instead of learning coping skills. This affected my emotional well-being. 

    When I was diagnosed with IIH, a brain condition, I was so headstrong that I spent months crawling up my stairs each night. It would take me ½ an hour, with Joel behind me and the kids at the top of the stairs, all encouraging me as I cried out with each step. I was determined not to have a stair lift, refusing to give in to my illness.

    My stubbornness and denial fused together and I let my ego make the decisions, to my whole family’s detriment. Read more about why we suffer from being stubborn in this article. When I finally stopped fighting, I could focus on my emotional well-being and think more positively as I gradually developed my mindset for change.

    Your mindset is how you view the world from your unique standpoint. Your state of mind is based on what you see, think and believe; influenced by your personality, environment and circumstances. Your mindset is what shapes you and you can retrain the brain to be open to change and turn most negatives into positives.

    “Love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning.”

    — Carol S. Dweck

    7 skills you need to lead a fulfilling life.JPG

    The Seven Skills 

    1. Positive Thinking and Self Talk 

    I generally think positively but when I was ill and undiagnosed, I became depressed. It took time but I worked hard on my insecurities through practicing self care. I journaled about the positives in my day and used affirmations. Positive thinking helped me rebuild my self esteem, changing my fears and doubts into hope.

    Occasionally old wounds reappeared and I’d slip back into negativity. I discovered Brené Brown and her study on the stories we tell ourselves. In this video clip she talks about recognising these stories. My own self-talk was a proper Moaning Minnie with crazily creative but false narratives which sabotaged my mindset. 

    Learning not to do this is an ongoing process but it’s so useful in developing self worth. I learnt to check myself if Moaning Minnie tried to get my attention. I’d work on understanding why I was feeling that way and ask myself if what I thought was true. Using a different perspective to look at my thoughts and actions is a powerful tool. 

    Mindfulness encompasses anything that allows you to be present and aware of your mindset. This includes anything that lessens the impact stress has on you. Meditation is a great opportunity to become more self aware and pairing it with gentle yoga helps you create the sense of calm needed to let go of what weighs you down. 

    Yoga also releases endorphins which play an important role in reducing negative emotions. You may see this as being a bit woo-woo, but in 5 minutes you can learn breathing exercises which will help your anxiety. Read how Meditation benefits me in this blog. These yoga pants and essential oil roll-on are great for relaxation .

    #block-yui_3_17_2_1_1602691273642_65091 .sqs-gallery-block-grid .sqs-gallery-design-grid { margin-right: -20px; }
    #block-yui_3_17_2_1_1602691273642_65091 .sqs-gallery-block-grid .sqs-gallery-design-grid-slide .margin-wrapper { margin-right: 20px; margin-bottom: 20px; }

    Sign up to my Strong Mum’s Mailing List to get access to my free guide on meditation. Check out my free resources here.

    2. Setting Boundaries 

    I’ve always had strong personal values and nothing sways me being honest, driven and supporting others. I’ve always worked around these core values, although I have others. When I was teaching I was very self aware and confident in how they fitted into my life.

    But having IIH tested me, when my self confidence wavered I became depressed. I’d put so much of myself into my teaching career, both with supporting the children’s learning and mentoring other teachers. But sitting watching TV all day left me feeling undervalued, this wasn’t the case, it was the stories I was telling myself. 

    As my treatment started to take effect, I was able to reflect on my values. I worked hard to reestablish my self-esteem but when I reflect on this hazy time, I realise I’d been caught in a loop of doing things for others instead of for myself. I reset my boundaries around this to make myself my priority, and no that’s not selfish! 

    To live a fulfilling life you need to know what you stand for and stick to it. If you know what you value, you can set boundaries around what you do, how you act and how you feel. If you haven’t considered your own values, it’s best to focus on a core of 3 or 4. Read this article to learn more about having core values.

    Daring to set boundaries - Brene Brown Quote.jpg

    3. Building Healthy Relationships 

    When I was younger I didn’t always make great decisions about the relationships I had in my life. When I met my husband Joel at university, we became friends first. He became someone I trusted and he’s shaped my life profoundly. I believe the strong foundations we’d built our relationship on, has helped us deal with my illness as a team. 

    On the other side of this, becoming ill made me question some of my closest friendships, some of these being in my life for years. I’d felt abandoned when I needed support during such an important time in my life. At first I was upset at how they treated me but Joel told me that these had never been two way friendships. 

    It quickly became apparent who my true friends were. I was so grateful to those who had the patience to keep up with conversations with me where I’d forget the point. My situation cemented bonds with newer friends who showed me that they had my back. I always knew I had their support during the hardest times.

    Relationships change as you evolve and some naturally drift apart. It’s important to keep relationships healthy by only making space for the friends who’ ve shown up for you. A healthy relationship is a two-way street, one you can trust in easily and feel confident in, so you can live a fulfilling life. 

    4. Managing Stress Levels 

    Having anxiety means it’s important to manage my stress levels. This means continual reflection on my part to understand what I can’t control and what I can change. Life during a pandemic has heightened my anxiety which is a shame as I’d been doing okay. However, I wouldn’t be human if this time hadn’t gotten to me. 

    My physical and mental health are very closely linked so I have to constantly remind myself to listen to my body and notice signs of stress. I didn’t recognise the unrealistic expectations I put on myself until I had time to reflect and adjust. I have to remind myself most people can’t function on the amount of pain medication I’m on. 

    To look after myself I needed to de-stress and I started to practice self care. Initially just the frilly stuff we recognise, such as pampering and treating myself. But as I learnt more about it I understood that I needed real self care. I started by arranging to talk to a professional about what was going on in my head. 

    I’m still learning to give myself a bit of a break. 

    We live in a busy mind world, trying to juggle everything, being connected and available 24/7. We need to lower our stress levels as our brain reacts to it as if we’re in danger, triggering the fight or flight response. Having the opportunity to be present is important for our happiness but even more so for us to be able to live a fulfilling life.  

    5. Being Self Aware

    Being self aware sounds like such a simple thing, but it comes alongside developing the first four skills. As it is, time on my own has given me the chance to develop an understanding of myself, much deeper than if I’d stuck to watching TV all day!

    I took up making jewellery which gave me time to be present. I developed a habit of daily reflection and realised that I’d always found it hard to say no to people. My boundaries blurred as I’d offer to help others at the detriment to my health. On the other side, I struggled to accept help too, So I made a plan to set myself boundaries.

    As I embraced developing these 7 skills, I wondered how my actions, thoughts and values had changed now that my life was so different. I’d be so hard on myself when I saw what others were achieving compared to me. I still do this but am aware of it so I remind myself that achieving anything at all in a day, is a win for me.

    Self-awareness is “the ability to see ourselves clearly to understand who we are, how others see us, and how we fit into the world around us.” Tasha Eurich.

    You will be conscious of your emotions, beliefs, passions and traits so you can compare this to  your own values. This skill can ultimately lead to a happier life as it’s value focused. 

    To aim towards being able to live a fulfilling life you can set yourself personal value based goals. To avoid stress and anxiety it’s important to write about them and talk to others who see you objectively. This makes you aware of how others see you meaning you’ll be able to have authentic relationships.

    You do not find fulfilment by rearranging the circumstances of your life. You find it by being in touch with who you are at the deepest level and being an expression of that in the world.”

    — Melli O’Brien

    6. Drive For Learning 

    I’ve always been driven. As a teacher I’d push myself to keep learning to know I was doing my best. When pain took the wheel and I was too ill to work, I had to rethink my capability to learn. Despite my mushy brain, I started a blog alongside my online jewellery shop but I think my mindset was fixed and I felt the need to prove myself. 

    As the Laura we all knew started to return after my first surgeries, and I’d grieved my career, I started taking opportunities to seek challenges. I took online workshops learning marketing, how to hone my writing, how to take pro product photos and more. The results were finding my way to here and becoming a freelance writer.

    The biggest chance to grow came when I explored how to cope with the challenges that I now faced. With support I opened myself to healing from the emotional pain I’d dealt with for years. I learnt to be heart centred, putting my own well-being first for the first time in my adult life. 

    Your mindset is formed young, shaping your relationships with success and failure. Growth mindset is when you believe you can adapt, thriving on challenges and seeing failure as an opportunity to grow. You learn to value the process, not just the outcome, and do this for your own satisfaction rather than to receive praise from others. 

    7. Emotional Resilience

    I didn’t know what resilience meant until I was faced with waking every day to the same pounding head, ringing ears and fatigue. Those evenings climbing the stairs took their toll on the whole family but they were there with me every step of the way. I had so much change to cope with that I chose to be stubborn and fight it all at first.

    My first surgery really tested our resilience as a family though; skull surgery kind of does that. As Joel waited with me at the hospital trying to hold it together, Youngest was looking out for his older brother, then just 9 and 11, who was having a total meltdown and didn’t know how to tell my Dad who was looking after them. This hit us hard. 

    As time went on and the surgeries kept coming, we all came together to help each other through it. My illness has affected my husband and boys as much as me. In family therapy we learnt how to communicate better, working as a team. We went on to develop coping strategies for change, building emotional resilience.

    Change and stress is part of life but you can develop emotional resilience by taking these steps: Build connections with the people who understand and support you; build an optimistic outlook, manage your thoughts and make you the priority in your life, mentally and physically. Read this article on developing emotional resilience.

    “Failure is so important. We speak about success all the time but it is the ability to resist or use failure that often leads to greater success.”

    — J. K. Rowling

     How to Live A Fulfilling Life With Hope

    how to live a fulfilling life with hope.JPG

    If you’ve made it this far then I’m guessing that the challenge of being as happy as a pig in shit clover is one you’re willing to take on. Who knows, you could even realise those hopes and dreams that you’ve been trying to forget about, even if they look a little different than you first thought. Happiness isn’t worth it if there’s stress chasing it

    Most of us have everything materialistic we could want but we are living a global mental health crisis. We live the go-go-go lifestyle, chasing our dreams but we’re so stressed and overwhelmed that we don’t even stop to ask ourselves why! Our health, relationships, well being and quality of life suffers. 

    It’s not just me that lost touch with myself. Our awareness of the need to listen to our bodies, minds and hearts, when they are screeching at us to slow down and stop is seen as woo-woo. Well some of it is but some of it helps us cope with the change that we find so hard. We need to understand ourselves to stand any chance. 

    Sometimes change is worth the hassle of learning and shifting our mindset. This type of change is about reaching for our hopes and dreams, it’s worth it. This is happiness as a whole where we feel alive and satisfied. This is happiness that allows you to jump in and thrive and live a fulfilling life.

    You can jump on this ride whenever you’re ready. There’s no height or weight limit but you do need to work for it, just not running at full speed 24/7 as you’ll be too stressed. When all the foundations of your basic needs are sorted, start with one simple goal of being more reflective. Then you can work on these seven skills. 

    These skills will last you the rest of your life and change how you think, act and react. Imagine a more positive, calm and resilient life. Where you’re aware of your own worth and set the boundaries you need to stick to your values. You’ll have the people in your life who support you in every opportunity you take.

    Fulfilment won’t just show up and disappear, it’s a feeling that warms you to your bones and makes you feel at ease. It will make you feel alive as you go through the rollercoaster of life. Fulfilment is a potion that drips into your bloodstream making you feel enough, more than enough.  

    So why not set aside the idea that your dreams will only happen if pigs could fly and learn these seven simple skills and make it happen. 

    My Recommended Reading List

    These books are my recommendations on this topic. The Poetry Pharmacy is a great when you need a boost. Daring Greatly is about transforming your life and Mindset is by Carol Dweck who pioneered Growth Mindset thinking. The beautiful cover of this journal is Klimt’s work called Fulfilment. I hope that they can support you in your own journey to fulfilment.

    #block-24a4f16ebd94bd4e9327 .sqs-gallery-block-grid .sqs-gallery-design-grid { margin-right: -22px; }
    #block-24a4f16ebd94bd4e9327 .sqs-gallery-block-grid .sqs-gallery-design-grid-slide .margin-wrapper { margin-right: 22px; margin-bottom: 22px; }


    Which of these skills are your strengths or weaknesses? Tell me in the comments.  

    Stay safe,

    L 💜

    P.S I can help you out yourself first by creating personal well-being strategies using my free well-being plan. This will help prioritise your own needs, such as building self-esteem and making time for self care or doing the things you love. Or if you want to get on a waiting list for updates on my first ever well-being journal, please sign up to my Strong Mums mailing list here

    #block-2d13e3308091461e9e46 .sqs-gallery-block-grid .sqs-gallery-design-grid { margin-right: -20px; }
    #block-2d13e3308091461e9e46 .sqs-gallery-block-grid .sqs-gallery-design-grid-slide .margin-wrapper { margin-right: 20px; margin-bottom: 20px; }

    ✋ Hey there! I hope you’re feeling stronger now. If so, sharing the love will help me help other mums with chronic invisible illnesses.⬇  Hit one of those sharing buttons or save the images to Pinterest and I will do a bed-bound happy dance – there’s an image for you!

  • Autumnal Growth: What Happens When Old Relationships Are Burned

    Autumnal Growth: What Happens When Old Relationships Are Burned

    Autumnal Growth: What Happens When Old Relationships Are Burned

    Autumnal Growth: What Happens When Old Relationships Are BurnedThis October has hit me hard with one of those feelings so familiar: chronic illness relationships and trust. I believe we go through seasons of connections and I’ve been burned too many…

    This October has hit me hard with one of those feelings so familiar: chronic illness relationships and trust. I believe we go through seasons of connections and I’ve been burned too many times. So I’ve taken control before suffering any long term damage. 

    As Autumn brought in the harsh weather, I protected myself by starting the bonfire season early; burning the array of gorse and heather. This patchwork quilt of friends living with or without chronic illness, is in need of stimulation for regrowth. 

    These are my thoughts on the consequences of ending old relationships with friends and connections in online communities and changing up other relationships so I only have those that I need in my life.

    This is my first post joining in with the October link up hosted by Sheryl Chan of A Chronic Voice. Thank you to Sheryl for hosting this and I look forward to joining in. Please check out the other great posts in the link up.

    The prompts this month are: 

    • Producing

    • Acquiring 

    • Switching 

    • Disappointing 

    • Forming

    Producing

    This year has been hard on all relationships. Families aren’t used to spending this much time together, so time to reflect is more important than ever. Improving our weaknesses and celebrating our strengths makes us more productive. 

    Friendships are harder work, especially for those with chronic illness who have more challenges. Friendships fail in normal times because we cancel at the last minute, get unwanted advice or it’s too much work. When mine fail, they usually seem to fade.

    To me a good friend is one who produces some kind of chocolate when you see them or a great GIF online. With chronic illness in the middle, listening is key. Read this article to understand more about losing friendships when you live a chronic illness.

    This month I’m producing my first product to support mums with anxiety and chronic illness. I’ve been procrastinating over it and couldn’t work out why until hang-ups from old relationships triggered my anxiety. Read my blog about coping with anxiety here.

    Sign up to my Strong Mum’s Mailing List to get access to my free guide on grounding techniques to reduce anxiety. Check out my free resources here.

    I’d reached out for support from one online community, but the response gave me flashbacks to the hurt I’d felt in old relationships. I didn’t know I was still harbouring so much pain; a small thing became a big thing and pushed me off my intended path. 

    I didn’t know why this had agitated me so much so I spoke to my husband about it. As we discussed my thoughts, I linked it to a past experience when Joel had had to communicate for me as it blew up rapidly. He protected me and I left that group. 

    Joel’s always there for me in times when I’ve struggled to cope. He’s shown such support for what I produce, especially on the blog. He’s proof that relationships can last the change of the seasons of chronic illness, by adapting and growing together.

    Joel and Laura.JPG

    _Disclaimer this blog post contains affiliate links and any purchases made through such links will result in a small reward for me and my crafting habits. Oh and there’s some free recommendations too, Im nice like th.jpg

    Acquiring 

    The expectation of acquiring peace from how I’d been treated in the past, didn’t last long. I remembered how I’d trusted blindly and sought out a confidante. It stung as I relived how they’d discarded me and then rewritten history, with me as the bad guy. 

    The betrayal I’d felt from the breakdown of this and other old relationships is more deep rooted than I thought it was. Read this article on how to actively deal with betrayal. I told Joel and my best friend, Sam, how I felt about both situations.

    They suggested that a group wasn’t the place for me to show such vulnerability. This hit home. I knew I’d let myself trust in a one sided relationship again. This felt like the rug being pulled from under me but I knew deep down that this wasn’t the same as before. 

    I’ve lost so many people that I thought I could trust since becoming ill. I know this happens when chronic illness makes the rules but I struggle to understand it. Saying that, I have acquired a deeper understanding of my role in friendships. 

    I put so much of myself into a relationship and I always put others’ needs before my own and this is a problem. This latest incident really has shown me that I need to put my needs first. So I’m acquiring a more balanced approach to online connections.

    Switching

    Taking time to reflect on these things is the most important way to grow and make better decisions. Learning from my mistakes and successes helps me switch up what’s working and what isn’t. 

    Understanding how old relationships have affected me when they die, has shown me I need to stick to my values. I’ll always be loyal, trustworthy and brutally honest at times but I need to place more emphasis on what I need to flourish. 

    So I’m switching up how much energy I put into the communities that I’m part of. I’m doing a relationship audit to ensure that I stick to the online groups I need and I’m actually being selfish and considering what I get out of being a part of each group. 

    I’m also switching up how I spend my time interacting in these groups. I have so little energy that I need to pace myself and in the past I haven’t done this well. This is where I’ve let myself become vulnerable; offering more to others than I should have. 

    This has left me in a position of weakness as I’ve spent time helping others and ended up with a low stock of energy for myself. This leaves me with so little time to create and now this is my business, I have to plan my time so I can be productive. 

    I’m going to make sure that my time is valued by those I share it with. So I’m switching up the time I spend in groups, focusing on new connections with other chronic illness bloggers, who can help me grow, and with frazzled mums I can give a voice to. 

    There’s only one thing more precious than our time and that’s who we spend it on

    — Leo Christopher

    Disappointing 

    As we go through the seasons of chronic illness we have disappointing periods. Our brains are wired to focus on negatives, which is why we worry about the things we didn’t do instead of what we achieved. Read about my chronic illness in this blog.

    I’ve been disappointed by so many people claiming to support me since I became ill:

    • The ‘best’ friends of 10+ years who’ve abandoned me because I couldn’t go out socially. 

    • The Carers I’ve allowed into nearly every aspect of my life, who ditched me for asking them to change how they did this or that.

    • The owners of the chronic illness group who gave me a ‘safe space’ and used what they knew against me.

    The spiny thorns of these old relationships cut so deep, I had a strong emotional reaction after showing my vulnerability again. Just like Gorse used to be treated, we should only have as many relationships as we can carry, to avoid over-exploitation. 

    I felt dismissed by the lack of understanding of how my IIH affects my understanding, leaving me exposed. It’s disappointing that I didn’t protect myself better. Choosing to use a ‘safe space’ again after my previous betrayal has been a harsh reminder. 

    But I needed to see this from a new perspective. My husband reminded me the group has evolved from its original cluster. I also had a long absence this year due to my new diagnosis, so new members don’t know me. It was disappointing but not harmful.

    I have trusted friendships within this group and from others who are important to me. Having relationships with others living with chronic illness is important. We both know where support is in hard times, so I’ll focus on these to avoid future disappointment

    I was always fraught with guilt and it’s such a waste of an emotion. It keeps you out of the moments of being where you are

    — Kyra Sedgewick

    Forming

    Despite all this disappointment I’ve been reminded of how lucky I am to have formed friendships with people I trust completely. As the unhealthy friendships weeded themselves out of my life, I discovered the friends that would always be there.

    Reminding ourselves that we don’t have to accept the negatives is vital. We can rewire our brains with positive messages, such as making a point of focusing on all of our wins, forming little nuggets of gold. These are my golden moments this October! 

    This Autumn I’m headed towards my 7th year of chronic illness, in the midst of shielding during the pandemic. This year I’ve been forming even tighter bonds with my trusted circle, despite the months that have passed without contact. 

    This Autumn is the 2nd with my carer/best friend. We see each other every weekday and it’s a form of therapy for us both. After forming a support bubble with Sam we’ve developed a relationship more like sisters, which will bring comfort in the months to come, 

    It isn’t just these old relationships that I can rely on. There’s support in many guises so my new focus is on forming new natural friendships within the groups I enjoy being in. It’s important that I stay protected but I need to have that social contact. 

    Make new friends, but keep the old; Those are silver, these are gold.

    — Joseph Parry

     A Lifetime Of Pruning To Reach The Friendship’s Buds

    a lifetime of pruning to reach the friendship buds.jpg

    It seems that over a lifetime of both new and old relationships; Autumntime is when we prune back what isn’t necessary to make way for the relationships that matter. This helps them grow better in the future months until they come to fruition. 

    I have gone through so many emotions, stemming from one small incident that I blew way out of proportion. Maybe we need these little fires so we learn that we need to protect ourselves and manage our expectations. 

    Having a brain condition is a constant journey. Maybe I spend my life on an avenue of disappointments, acquisitions and productivity, forming new pathways so I can switch up as I grow. This October will allow me time to choose where I head. 

    I know how lucky I am to have Joel in my life, especially as so many don’t make it through the tough times. I believe that being open to positivity and talking about what we want to achieve, as well as what we have, only strengthens our bond. 

    As I assess my connections to replace the dead wood and celebrate my companions, I’ll be surrounded by an arrangement of characters. I want to sense the myriad scents and colours of heathers and bright yellow buds of the gorse.

    I want to laugh with friends until our bellies ache, share sarcastically witty responses and give and receive comfort when sad or angry. I want us to be equally supportive, non-judgemental, loyal and honest to the core. I want to be a good listener and have fun.  

    I want to create strong foundations with new friends and build strength in my old relationships, whilst remembering to protect myself. I desperately want to hold a conversation without wandering off the beaten track and losing my destination.

    I want to head towards this harsh winter knowing I have friends and family I can rely on and make sure I’m a dependable friend for them in return. Maybe it takes adversity to find the real beauty in the relationships we have.

    My Recommended Reading List

    These books are what I recommend related to this topic. These show a range of relationships and I hope that they can support you in your own relationship problems or show you how to build stronger bonds in friendships or with your partner.

    #block-518d9da750ab4c42bd40 .sqs-gallery-block-grid .sqs-gallery-design-grid { margin-right: -20px; }
    #block-518d9da750ab4c42bd40 .sqs-gallery-block-grid .sqs-gallery-design-grid-slide .margin-wrapper { margin-right: 20px; margin-bottom: 20px; }


    How are your friendships? Do you need to do a friend audit? Tell me in the comments.  

    Stay safe,

    L 💜

    P.S I can help you out yourself first by creating personal wellbeing strategies using my free wellbeing plan. This will help prioritise your own needs, such as building self-esteem and making time for self care or doing the things you love. Or if you want to get on a waiting list for updates on my first ever well-being journal, please sign up to my Strong Mums mailing list here

    #block-e20598a00fa27bfedb2a .sqs-gallery-block-grid .sqs-gallery-design-grid { margin-right: -20px; }
    #block-e20598a00fa27bfedb2a .sqs-gallery-block-grid .sqs-gallery-design-grid-slide .margin-wrapper { margin-right: 20px; margin-bottom: 20px; }

    ✋ Hey there! I hope you’re feeling stronger now. If so, sharing the love will help me help other mums with chronic invisible illnesses.⬇  Hit one of those sharing buttons or save the images to Pinterest and I will do a bed-bound happy dance – there’s an image for you!

  • Emerging Strong From My Chronic Pain Conditions Challenge

    Emerging Strong From My Chronic Pain Conditions Challenge

    Emerging Strong From My Chronic Pain Conditions Challenge

    Emerging Strong From My Chronic Pain Conditions Challenge This story is about the impact chronic pain conditions have had on my life. I have a rare brain disease called Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension or IIH, as well as Migraine and Hypothyroid…

    This story is about the impact chronic pain conditions have had on my life. I have a rare brain disease called Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension or IIH. I also have Migraine and Hypothyroidism and have bouts of depression and anxiety.

    I’ve worried about an unknown future as I’ve had the challenge of a rare condition and misunderstood diseases. I felt frustrated by the doctors who didn’t listen to me. Knowledge is power so I became my own advocate to find the right treatment plan.

    I feel like a strong Mum as I emerge with my story today. However, the reality is that I still face challenges every day. I do still have wobbles and mini meltdowns making occasional appearances but I have the strength to get through it, 

    My family and friend’s love enables me to embrace every day. I want you to feel empowered to raise awareness of your condition and challenges you face too. Anxiety is still what challenges me the most so read about my coping strategies here.

    Living with chronic pain or illness is different for everyone but by reassuring you and giving practical advice, I hope I can support you on your journey. The solutions and strategies I’ve tried, help me and my family live a mostly balanced life. 

    Disclaimer.jpeg

    My Life Before Chronic Illness

    I met my husband Joel at University when I was training to be a Primary School Teacher. I’d already trained and worked as a nanny and I loved being in the classroom, seeing the children grow. Joel’s ability to draw at midnight was a bonus. 

    We moved to Hove when I got my first job, teaching children ages 4-8 from mixed backgrounds. I stayed at the school for 11 years, working with multicultural children, children with special needs and integrating kids with autism from the specialist unit.

    Joel and I married in 2003 and had a baby boy a year later. Eldest taught me how different looking after other people’s children is than your own, but I was still strict in both roles. I adored being a mum and we had another baby boy 21 months later.

    We nearly lost Youngest at birth who was born quickly with the cord tight around his neck. He was taken to the special care ward whilst I was sent back to the maternity ward, surrounded by mums with their babies. I’d never felt a sense of loss like it. 

    That night he had a 4 hour seizure and we were told to prepare for the worst. Thankfully he just pulled through but they couldn’t find a cause. It was put down to trauma and 11 days later we came home. We had another 5 day stay weeks later. 

    Youngest was given the all clear aged one but it had taken its toll on Joel and I. I developed postnatal depression and severe panic attacks. I asked for help and went to counselling. Since then we’ve valued and always worked on our mental health.  Read this easy to use self help book about postnatal depression. 

    Postpartum Depression and Anxiety : The Definitive Survival and Recovery Approach

    Postpartum Depression and Anxiety : The Definitive Survival and Recovery Approach

    The Day My Physical Health Changed

    One day in 2009, aged 32, I woke with a sudden sharp pain around and behind my right eye. Standard painkillers didn’t help the pain, which was so severe I cried with every movement. I was signed off work for two months whilst my GP tried to help me. 

    I was misdiagnosed with infections and 2 chronic pain conditions before I was finally diagnosed with atypical migraine. I was given strong, preventative medication which my body took months to get used to. I had a phased return to my part time hours.

    Although the medication worked I still had low level constant pain, affecting family life and interfering with weekend plans. So I explored alternative therapies until I found a cranial osteopath who helped me live less painfully and our family more happily. 

    We could travel again and had many family adventures. The best thing was not being sensitive to sound so I could go to gigs, swim and watch the boy’s school shows. I aimed high and was promoted to an Early Years specialist and Senior teacher.

    Becoming A Chronic Pain Sufferer

    I started having migraine attacks every weekend. Then in January 2014 I had an attack that wouldn’t ease so my GP did an urgent referral to a neurologist who said my migraine had become chronic. Sadly that pain’s still with me years later. 

    I tried to push on but it was unbearable, I took sick leave, thinking I’d find a solution with traditional medication and natural therapies. Over the next 8 months I tried every migraine medication, elimination diets, reiki, reflexology and more but nothing helped.

    I couldn’t teach and began worrying about the future for myself and my family. I kept fighting it but the neurology team didn’t seem to care. I’d be upset on the phone to the nurse due to unbearable pain and she’d tell me to talk to my GP about ‘my mood’. 

    My tears fell from frustration of being unheard and the unrelenting pain that seemed different to the migraines I knew. So I researched constant headaches and a new symptom jumped out at me; the ‘whooshing’ in my ears was pulsatile tinnitus (PT).

    This was the first piece of the puzzle so I joined an online support group. I heard of a PT specialist in Cambridge and boy was that long car journey to see him worth it. He took my situation seriously and suspected Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension or IIH

    I had to wait for the tests to confirm this and was told this would be a long process. I was on the migraine medication Merry Go Round, spending months weaning myself on and off of high doses of preventative medicine. Nothing improved my symptoms, although I got a little relief from using aromatherapy oils, especially this Neals Yard Lavender Essential Oil.

    My neurologist found out that I’d sought this second opinion and he refused to treat me. I knew I still had migraine so I was devastated. As the months went on, the ‘long process’ felt like forever. The pain lay heavy on me so I became severely depressed.

    I was losing my sense of self and felt left to rot. My GP was concerned so ran blood tests which showed I’d also developed Hypothyroidism. This explained the amplified feelings of hopelessness. My life became a chronic pain conditions balancing act.

    Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension IIH Donate.jpeg

    Donate To IIH UK

    Improve the lives of sufferers

    What is IIH And Could I Have It? 

    IIH is associated with raised fluid pressure around the brain. The fluid that cushions the brain is called cerebrospinal fluid (CSF). It can cause disabling daily headaches and visual loss, which can be permanent.

    — iihuk.org.uk

    I started researching the symptoms of IIH, although I knew I didn’t have eye (optic) nerve swelling, called papilloedema. I was convinced I had it despite the headache specialist I saw shutting down my questions about IIH, as I didn’t have papilloedema. 

    IIH without Papilloedema (IIHWOP), is a very rare type of IIH. Less is known about it and many Doctors deny it exists. But the Cambridge team were working with other patients with similar symptoms to me so sticking with them was the best decision. 

    To be diagnosed with IIHWOP you need brain scans and a lumbar puncture (LP). Your explanation about the details of your symptoms is vital so I needed to document my experiences so I could give the specialists a clear picture of what was happening. 

    IIHWOP affects people differently so someone may have some or all of these most common symptoms. They may have additional symptoms too but all impact your quality of life. These are the most reported symptoms – read more about this here.

    • Headaches

    • Pulsatile tinnitus (PT)

    • Visual obscurations – temporary black outs or grey outs

    • Blurred or double vision 

    • Photopsias – short term flashes of light

    I still suffer with the same symptoms I had originally although the intensity changes. As well as PT, I have constant pain in my head, neck and around my right eye. I get very nauseous and have poor mobility; I can get dizzy, black out and stumble or fall. 

    I also suffer with brain fog, a type of cognitive dysfunction involving memory problems, lack of mental clarity and an inability to focus. This is linked to all of the chronic pain conditions I have but it has  improved with each surgery I’ve had for IIH. 

    IIH has left me disabled and bed-bound most of the time. I used to feel guilty about how this limits what I do but now I live day by day, saving my energy for family and friends. My family is about living a happy life, full of laughter and making memories.

    The Challenge To Get Treatment 

    My CT scans showed narrowing of blood vessels in the transverse sinus. This is part of the system acting as a conduit for the blood needed to oxygenate the brain. Watch how blood should drain into the dural sinuses through the internal jugular vein.

    This means I have restricted venous outflow so fluid builds up in my skull, causing a pressure cooker feeling. Headaches are a symptom of all my chronic pain conditions, so I’ve documented how they affect me to help me get the treatment I need. 

    However, getting the treatment for such a rare disease isn’t easy. Nothing was worse than a trip to A&E in late 2014 at the end of an intense weekend after I’d blacked out for the first time. When I finally saw a doctor she would only give me paracetamol! 

    My pain levels were so high, I was shaking as my legs felt like jelly.My GP prescribed a cocktail of pain relief, including oramorph, the following day. Of all my chronic pain conditions, IIH was the hardest to control, often leaving me I able to do anything. 

    This was a new level so Joel pushed for Cambridge to do the diagnostic tests. I was officially diagnosed with IIHWOP after the consultant listened carefully to how well the LP had temporarily reduced my pain levels, despite my LP result being low.

    My treatment plan, however, was delayed for over a year as their trial was under review. In 2017 I had my first of six surgical treatments. I’ve had skull and spine surgeries to create room for my veins and brain stents to reduce CSF build up. 

    The Truth About Living With Chronic Illness.jpeg

    The Truth About Living With Chronic Illness

    The truth is that living with chronic pain conditions tests your limits. We knew it would be a marathon, not a 10k race but I’ve had to accept that I need walkers, a stairlift, a wheelchair, and my gig ear plugs, to make it possible for me to go out on better days. 

    Joel’s my main carer and my boys are young carers for me. I also have a PA here each weekday lunchtime who is like a family member now. She ensures I eat and wash. She cooks, does laundry, keeps things tidy and is perfect company for me.

    Joel, myself and the boys have had to adjust how we live day to day with chronic illness in the mix. But by learning how to communicate effectively we’ve developed a stronger bond. The boys have become independent and resilient. 

    This is key to being able to thrive despite challenges. We work as a team to develop and encourage personal growth. My teaching skills have helped me facilitate finding solutions by making time to reflect on life whilst being mindful. 

    Joel’s always been more spontaneous than me so I’ve learnt how to make the best of my good days. I still love seeing friends or going out to eat but I have to be aware that all activity has consequences with high pain and sleep disturbances afterwards.

    We’ve created new routines to make the most of the time we have. We plan time together, such as family get-togethers and date nights. The boys tell me about their day and Joel and I make time to talk about how we’re feeling. This pays off long term.

    I know I’m so lucky to have Joel guide and stand by me through the toughest times and enjoy the good when we can. Chronic pain conditions impact your relationships so you have to make time for each other and find ways to release the stress. 

    The Chronic Pain Conditions Lifestyle Lowdown 

    Life can change overnight when you develop chronic pain conditions or mental health problems. When that involves family, your relationships change too. My story shows this and how we’ve succeeded by mixing plans with a day by day attitude. 

    Some people are diagnosed quickly with fairly common conditions, some spend years searching for a diagnosis. Wherever you are on your journey, it’s vital to learn about your condition and its symptoms so you make informed choices for treatment. 

    Any diagnosis leads to questions and concerns about the future. I believe that this is when you need a sense of purpose, especially when facing big changes and decisions. This is why I began blogging about my journey to raise awareness. 

    I’ve worked hard on my well-being to cope with the depression and pain that can hold me back. I refuse to let it win so I use distraction tactics. I am creative, I meditate and try to put myself first. Read about how I prioritise my wellness needs here.

    My husband struggled with his mental health and as our boys were young we chose to do family therapy. Thankfully my husband and children supported me in the good, bad and horrendous times. We built strategies to build good mental health for us all.

    Developing routines and structure leads to healthy communication which has made our family an awesome team. With their support I’m now emerging strong with hope and determination to get through hard times and enjoy the good.

    Stay safe
    L 💜

    P.S I can help you create better wellbeing strategies for living with chronic pain conditions. Download my free well-being planner here to prioritise your needs. If you want to get on a waiting list for updates on my first ever well-being product, please sign up to my newsletter below.


    ✋ Hey there! I hope you’re feeling stronger now. If so, sharing the love will help me help other mums with chronic invisible illnesses.⬇  Hit one of those sharing buttons or save the images to Pinterest and I will do a bed-bound happy dance – there’s an image for you!

    #block-yui_3_17_2_1_1599483536273_21920 .sqs-gallery-block-grid .sqs-gallery-design-grid { margin-right: -20px; }
    #block-yui_3_17_2_1_1599483536273_21920 .sqs-gallery-block-grid .sqs-gallery-design-grid-slide .margin-wrapper { margin-right: 20px; margin-bottom: 20px; }

  • 10 Must Have Opportunities For Time Management Benefits

    10 Must Have Opportunities For Time Management Benefits

    10 Must Have Opportunities For Time Management Benefits

    10 Must Have Opportunities For Time Management Benefits Discover 10 opportunities for time management benefits for better physical and mental well-being and consider throwing out your To-do list for a more structured plan. Audit your time management…

    Lets face it, we’ve all experienced forgetting what day it is or losing sight of our goals, especially during 2020. This affects productivity, meaning a struggle to meet deadlines. In my normal brain fogged life, I experience these minor annoyances daily. 

    So my aim is to help others cope with this, whilst living with change and uncertainty, by using my own experiences of switching perspective. The emotional wounds from sticking to old routines or being closed to change, can impact our physical health too.

    For example, Youngest didn’t know where to start on a task he’d set himself recently. I intervened as I knew his lack of focus was causing him to stress out. Time-stealers like procrastination or overwhelm, may lead to meltdowns but we caught it in time.

    Youngest is creative and energetic, which increases dopamine, aka the ‘motivation molecule’, in the brain. But his determination had made him lose focus so he needed a new perspective. Together we made a plan towards him achieving his project. 

    He loved learning the science that helps us build self worth and focus. We used this and my goal setting style to create a new strategy which transformed his mindset. This change in time management benefits his drive and stopped him procrastinating.

    This blog aims to help you assess your time management mindset for your physical and mental well-being. I use my experience as a bed-bound working mum, which will focus on your achievement using these strategies, for creating better life balance. 

    • Toss Out Your To-do List For Epic Time Management Benefits

    • Why Superior Time Management Benefits Physical Health

    • 10 Must Have Opportunities For Time Management Benefits

    • The Takeaway – Organising Your Life For Maximum Impact On Your Wellness

    Before we further explore my number one time returner, I want you to focus on one thing you’ve been putting off. Keep this in mind whilst you read about and explore whether these ideas could help you manage your time better. 

    Toss Out Your To-do List For Epic Time Management Benefits

    Toss Out Your To-do List For Epic Time Management Benefits.jpeg

    Yes, I know this may be shocking as when I asked my followers, a To-do list seemed to be a necessity. But I want to show how changing one thing can benefit you. For me that’s been throwing out To-do lists and replacing them with a simple strategic plan. 

    It’s so easy to write a To-do list but we can easily become frustrated when things on the list aren’t finished. Our brains shut down if there are more than 7-8 options, so we’re unable to prioritise when facing a never ending list, struggling to finish anything. 

    Read about how to prioritise in my Exclusive Guide To Wellbeing blog here. My wellbeing plan is an example of an alternative way to record a To-do list, as it helps the brain focus. 

    “Think of a filing system…if you merely file papers away with[out a] system, the filing system will have an adverse effect.” From the article Why To-Do Lists Don’t Work (And How to Change That) which you can read by clicking here.

    I hope you try planning more strategically so you see how much those To-do lists are holding you back! A small change can give you time management benefits, both emotionally and physically. Why not try changing to something from these ideas:

    • A To-do list on it’s own can become a long list that’s overwhelming, leading to procrastination and not knowing where to start. Our brains need a simple process for productive thought, such as using categories and organisation.

    • Psychologists have found that smaller goals get accomplished more often so break large tasks into achievable chunks to make them more motivating. This works just as well with projects as it does for regular household jobs. 

    • You will need a more structured plan than a To-do list for most things, to bring clarity, focus on categories and priorities. Estimate how long each thing takes to manage to complete and explore ways to record within these boundaries, 

    • I create time chunks on my daily planner for how long to spend per action, as this helps me pace myself. I also do similar things at similar times to be more systematic. I follow a timetable to help me focus my mind on being efficient. 

    • However you choose to structure your priorities, you need to review them regularly so you can plan ahead more creatively. Reviews allow you to create specific, personal and simple actionable tasks, that motivate you to succeed.

      Download your free Wellbeing Planner and guide to use as a basis for exploring other ideas.. 

    Do you write lists for the lists you need? I fall back into this habit if I don’t use tools like this planner to create systems for my thoughts. If I lose focus now, I write what I’ve done on a list, just to tick them off, but this has zero time management benefits! 

    However when we see what we’ve achieved, big or small, our brains get a boost of dopamine. This is associated with pleasure and reward and it’s telling your brain: “This is great, let’s keep doing that.” Being aware of this, helps to reassure you. 

    But the problem with dopamine  is it can’t distinguish whether you’re really achieving anything, especially your prime needs. This can be a big problem with To-do lists. Read about this and how to boost productivity here.

    We need efficient systems that help us be productive, Simple To-do lists are just not the most effective way to organise our thoughts and things to achieve. I hope you see how to add structure whilst being aware of outside factors affecting our productivity, 

     

    Affiliate disclaimer.jpeg

     

    Why Superior Time Management Benefits Physical Health  Good time management benefits our control over our own actions and environment to support us in meeting our goals. Plan to prioritise important activities before they become urgent to lower your…

    Why Superior Time Management Benefits Physical Health

    • I’m often asked how I can work whilst I’m so unwell I live mostly in my bed. Simply put, I use distractions from the pain such as writing. I need extra support if my illness flares, as I can’t plan for this and it affects my sleep, diet and limits my mobility more.

    Pacing my energy levels for work and play is an ongoing balancing act. I’ve learnt to plan rest into my day for time management benefits or I’d keep going when I need to stop. It isn’t easy to pause work for your health, so this hasn’t been natural for me. 

    When I was asked to write for Teva Life Effects in 2019, I was worried that deadlines would increase my anxiety. Thankfully my editors understand my physical health can vary so my own health needs always comes first. You can visit my author page here

    Learning the strategies that help me plan and prioritise has decreased my anxiety, so I’m working on a project to help you implement strategies that limit increased physical stress. You can read how I cope with my own stress and anxiety on this blog post.

    To ensure time management benefits my physical wellbeing, I plan for work, play exercise, hobbies, reflection and growth. My brain condition affects my awareness of time, so I use these tips and tricks to help me be better organised and more focused: 

    General 

    • Ask someone to tell you to be ready 30 minutes earlier than needed

    • Use a playlist that lasts a set amount of time you want to spend on something 

    • Do a time audit – Time regular tasks to work out how long each takes you

    • Set a limit on the number of tasks you do in one day so you can be flexible 

    • Use an online calendar, synced across devices, for events and special days

    • Stay on top of or remove notifications and limiting open tabs for a tidy screen

    Planning

    • Plan using a paper or digital planning tool and block similar tasks together

    • Organise and do tasks, projects, work and jobs at home by using categories

    • Plan to do the most important things first, at your best time of the day

    • Plan short breaks after long tasks to do calming meditation or exercises 

    • Create buffers around meetings as the brain can only focus for 90 minutes

    • Plan set times for checking your emails, social media etc for less distractions 

    Doing

    • Set out your day with time for work and play, blocking similar tasks together

    • Know the importance of tasks to see what to do, delegate, delete or defer

    • Understand the true cost of time spent so you can reflect it in your pricing 

    • Set a reasonable time to aim to put work down and screens away each day

    • Keep a record of what you achieve as this will boost your motivation levels

    • Revamp your schedule to replace bad habits and set up healthy routines

    Use these ideas to transform how you focus time and energy. Make changes to your planning slowly, only scheduling 75% (or less) of your time for less pressure. Make ‘me time’ a weekly habit as a great way to reward your achievements.

    You may think multitasking is a great way to get lots done but research shows your brain copes better by focusing on one task at a time. Research has shown that multitasking can actually reduce productivity by as much as 40%. 

    Swap multitasking habits for more focused plans to increase efficiency. This simple swap for better time management benefits your physical health as you’ll feel calmer by eliminating stressful distractions. Read this article on multitasking and the brain.

    Your personal body clock impacts your level of focus. We all work better at different times of the day so try swapping something that improves your physical health e.g. moving your exercise time or starting work early and finishing early for better sleep. 

    Sunrise Alarm Clock

    Wake up naturally with 30 minutes of a slowly brightening alarm after sunrise begins.

    Create a timeline for what you want to achieve for short and long term targets. This helps us focus on our priorities and set small steps for more realistic goals. Regularly review plans for what works best for you for consistency and increased efficiency. 

    Good time management benefits our control over our own actions and environment to support us in meeting our goals. Planning helps us prioritise important activities and limit urgent tasks that will have a strong effect on our personal and work life. 

    10 must have opportunities for time management benefits.jpg

    10 must have opportunities for time management benefits 

    These are some of the systems I’ve used to help me pace my life, so I can be a bed-bound working mum. Effective time management allows me to be flexible when I need to be, without losing focus and leaves me with more energy for family time. I’ve ordered these so you can find the strategy you need.

    1. Understand Your Priorities

    This Eisenhower box helps you understand what you need to focus on. Write the tasks you need to do in a 4 part grid like this to organise your thoughts. Prioritise important but not urgent tasks to limit tasks that become urgent. 

    The 4 D’s Do, Delegate, Delete and Defer helps you make quick decisions, especially when it comes to opening emails. This box helps you focus on  whether you can delegate tasks or decide if you need to do it at all.

    You need to limit your list in each box to less than 8 tasks so your brain doesn’t get overwhelmed. Use a timer to stop you procrastinating over these decisions and enjoy the time you have to balance your wellness needs. 

    I love how simple the structure is and how it makes you organise your thoughts quickly. Delegating tasks is something I don’t have a budget for yet but this helps me see how I’ll have more time when I can hire support. 

    Is that task from 3 months ago still relevant? This is a simple way to sift your tasks to find what’s important to you? Reviewing your plans regularly keeps you focused, so set a personal time limit for moving items to the delete box.  

    View fullsize

    The Eisenhower Box - A grid invented by President Eisenhower as a quick way to prioritise such a huge amount of tasks, projects and papers so that important work gets finished, before becoming urgent

    2. Finding Balance

    Nora Roberts, an American author, speaks of the roles and responsibilities we have as mums. These help balance our self worth, which is vital for wellness. Nora uses an analogy about how we have to juggle balls to find life balance. 

    She speaks of imagining life as a game in which you are juggling 55 glass and rubber balls. Each ball represents an activity you do at work, home or with the family. What you juggle can change each day, depending on the task. 

    You’re going to drop things every once in a while so you want to focus on catching the glass ones as a rubber ball bounces back. Rubber balls are checking emails, making dinner or meeting a work project’s deadline. 

    A glass ball represents what makes me happy, giving your kids unconditional love, sharing life lessons and knowing your self worth. It’s knowing you may need to sweep up broken pieces and try again. Read more in this blog post.

    I think this is a great way to explain how to prioritise in a visual way. I always want to do things perfectly so I don’t let anyone down. It takes a long time to change mindsets but this analogy struck a chord about how much we do. 

    It’s made me think about the pressure I feel to catch all the balls. I can give myself a break from the guilt about the small stuff. Dropping some rubber balls will give me a break and I should rethink how many glass balls I have.

    When juggling as much as you are, remember that some balls are glass and some are rubber. You can’t drop the glass balls.

    — Nora Roberts 2008

    3. Chunking

    I know I need a clear structure to my day but I wanted to try chunking to see if it was more efficient for me. Chunking is when you group information and tasks into manageable-size chunks which can be done in a sequential order.

    Plan chunks of time for specific purposes in your schedule or on a timetable, with time for the most demanding tasks when you’re at your most productive. First prioritise what is most important and give it your undivided attention. 

    Start with sessions of about 20-25 minutes and build this up. Follow this focused time with a short break doing something fun. Stick to your schedule and give yourself deadlines for each task so you can review your results.  

    I’ve been playing with this way of working for a while and I love focusing my time on the most complex task first each day, just like I leave my favourite part of a dinner until last. This part works really well for me and I love the breaks.

    I enjoy focusing on one task but only manage this for a short time. I struggle with memory and concentration so it takes me longer to write a blog like this. I’ll keep working on avoiding task switching as this works well for friends. 

    4. Say No

    When Mum needs to say no!

    Click here for 3 simple steps to say no so you can focus on you.

    Making room for what matters to us is the most important thing we need to do when managing our time commitments. Streamlining commitments to others and being a little bit selfish is important to set boundaries. 

    Saying no is one of the hardest decisions you have to make as you may feel you’re letting someone down. Learn the language to say no without hurting anyone’s feelings. Say no to the guilt or worry and be honest, firm and polite. 

    Once you’ve become clear about your priorities, you’re more confident to stay in your own lane. I’ve found that politely saying no to online friendships and weeding people I don’t connect with out of my life, has been freeing.

    I think this is a vital step in creating more time in the day for my loved ones. When someone asks me to take something on I’m usually tempted to say yes because I love helping others. So I’ve tried saying no at home and for work. 

    Saying no is one of the things I know I need to focus on and stop giving my time away for free by politely saying no. This includes saying no to checking emails on date night, scrolling and being present during your planned breaks. 

    5. Me Time

    When you take on too much, finding time for some little Me Time seems impossible. If you find yourself squeezing this into your schedule, think again! Me time can give you headspace most days and much needed personal time. 

    If you don’t make a commitment to breathing space into your routine you will burn out! Spend time each day on your thing, be it reading, painting or taking a bath, do something that makes your soul happy for more focus and drive. 

    You may think it’s impossible to squeeze Me Time into your day, living with small children or constant pain. But all you need is to find 5 minutes to an hour for yourself. You can even use some of that 25% unscheduled time. 

    Wellness is my number 1 priority and being kind to myself has been my mission for the past few years. I chose one thing to focus at first and used my wellness planner (sign up to my mailing list to get yours) for a month at a time. 

    This is an easy yes for me. I’ve focused on using this time for meditation or bed yoga. On bad days I binge on box sets or take a break from social media but as long as I switch off from the world, I’m saying yes to me. Try it yourself! 

    6. Reverse Engineering

    This simply means planning your projects by working backwards from the outcome you want. This term comes from reproducing a product but used in this sense it makes you think how to achieve your goal in small steps. 

    Be clear and specific about your final outcome so you can work towards it. Then implement the small steps that will get you to the finish line. This stops you moving your goal posts, although I suggest you keep flexible deadlines. 

    The time management benefits from working like this is that you have a clear focus. This will make you work more efficiently and you’ll feel calmer from the dopamine boosts. Take time to analyse and adjust your steps to stay on track.

    I’ve worked this way since my teacher days as we’d always have an objective for each piece of work that would build up to a final piece or collection. It’s an easy way to break down a project into small goals with a clear vision. 

    For my writing I work towards final pieces so I want to know the exact path I’m taking. To do this I record my goals in a variety of ways to help me visualise what I need to do e.g, mind maps, categorising or vision boards. 

    7. Everything In Its Place

    Being tidy and organised is time management 101 but it needs mentioning. It can make a big difference for starting work efficiently if everything’s kept in a way that our brains can access the tools quickly. Create a checklist for this.

    Emails and DMs are some of the worst culprits for being a mess. Check all of your accounts daily, remove notifications and arrange them in priority folders. The time management benefits of this offer you emotional freedom.

    With regards to storing content, move everything to the cloud, keeping backups of all content such as photos and work from clients. Make sure everything is organised and isn’t taking up storage you may need.

    I keep my inbox tidy with folders and flag important emails to find them easily and check you’re on track. I check any links or codes when sending emails or posting on social media. I remove notifications on apps so I can switch off. 

    Creating systems that all involved can access is important for household jobs and teams at work. Being organised improves my efficiency so using Trello boards for my plans has developed a clear process that a VA could access.

    8. Review and Reflect

    Reviewing your work and systems and reflecting on their efficiency is important for organisation and adding anything forgotten to plans or systems. Reflection is important to develop a deeper understanding of the project/task.

    Regular reflection is one way time management benefits health. You can learn how to improve and create more life balance. Making a list of forgotten tasks or those to carry over helps to clear your mind before you go to sleep.

    The benefits of looking back at your day, week, month, etc is to help you reconnect with your long term goals. Reflect on your day and write one thing you’re a) proud of, b) happy about and c) grateful for that day. 

    At the end of the day, I find it important to look back at what worked and what didn’t so you can make improvements. If things don’t go well I can end up obsessing over it, so I’ve learnt to carry over a task to the next day or week. 

    In the past I would have gone over and over things I felt went wrong, thinking of what I could have done or said differently. Now I carry it over using a simple code I use in my journal, something I started after researching bullet journals. 

    9. Rewards

    When you make a decision, your choice is certainly influenced by your motivational state. External rewards can sometimes undermine intrinsic or  natural motivation. When engaged you find meaning in choice or progress. 

    Intrinsic rewards are a healthy and sustainable source of motivation with little chance of burnout as you experience more positive than negative feelings. This motivation is focused on a shared desire for the team or family. 

    The use of rewards increases your serotonin levels, keeping you calm and productive. Serotonin is produced whether you achieve something or simply remember something you’ve achieved. This article explains how this works.

    I use rewards to remind myself of my achievements and even reward effort. I have used rewards to motivate my own children and those I teach but they’re not just for children so I plan a small reward each week for my commitment. 

    I’m motivated to achieve my long and short term goals by planning activities or small gifts to myself that may or may not relate to the goal. Try a pamper day or family time, such as visiting an open air attraction like a zoo. I recommend limiting food related rewards.



    10. Stay Inspired

    You get a surge of pleasure when you achieve what you set out to do. This triggers the brain to release dopamine, the chemical responsible for the focus and motivation needed to be productive. 

    You can boost dopamine levels by listening to music, exercising, and good sleep hygiene and eating foods rich in tyrosine (needed to make dopamine) which is found in almonds, bananas, avocados, eggs, beans and fish.

    If you’re struggling with energy levels to get through the day you may need to explore natural ways to reduce stress. This can be found through meditation, massage therapy or taking natural supplements to boost energy levels.

    I use the SMART system for goal setting (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time bound) by breaking my down goals into 3-4 small tasks so I have small wins. These inspire me to stay focused and energised to the end.

    I’ve more recently understood the science behind setting goals. Now I know that recording my accomplishments and rewarding them will keep me motivated I continue to be inspired and have increased productivity levels. 

    This is a lot of information but all will support physical and emotional wellness. I suggest focusing on one area at a time for time management benefits. Once chosen reverse engineer what you want to achieve and break it into small action steps.

    What one thing can you change this week for better time management?

    Last Words – Organising your life for maximum impact on your wellness

    I wrote this blog about time management benefits to help you create a process for reassessing your priorities and understanding the sequence of events to do this. By adjusting to your needs you can be more productive in all areas of life. 

    It takes skill to know exactly what your focus is on any area of your life. Focusing on time management benefits your mental and physical well-being. At different times in life we need to revise or learn new systems to help prioritise what will lift you up.

    Feeling overwhelmed can lead to demotivation, procrastination or guilt about how you spend your time. By increasing our energy and creativity we boost our efficiency. Having a clear plan helps you devise new ideas that build a productivity cycle. 

    I’ve shared my best strategies here for devising a system full of time management benefits. My number one tip is to break goals into small, repetitive tasks and order the day to get the hard stuff done first to create headspace. 

    I’ve also learnt to focus on being ‘done not perfect’, but as perfectionism is where I go when I’m stressed I need to keep working on this goal. Using small steps and doing one day at a time lowers stress levels and leads to better mental and physical health. 

    [Mother]… taught us not to become perfectionists, which is where a lot of procrastination and time-wasting occurs. Nothing is less efficient than perfectionism. Her great adage, which I still adhere to, was: Done is better than good.

    — Elizabeth Gilbert

    Overall it’s important to know that you can change your way of working for time management benefits. You may need to use a few tricks and tips or it may be as simple as changing your perspective for maximum impact on your wellness. 

    In my introduction I asked if you have one thing you’ve been putting off. Now I would love to hear what you’ve been procrastinating over and which strategies you think you could use to get that done, even if it’s not perfect? Tell me in the comments.  

    Stay safe,

    L 💜

    P.S I can help you create better wellbeing strategies using my free time management planner to help prioritise your needs. If you want to get on a waiting list for updates on my first ever well-being product, please sign up to my newsletter below.


    #block-yui_3_17_2_1_1598122800671_108906 .sqs-gallery-block-grid .sqs-gallery-design-grid { margin-right: -20px; }
    #block-yui_3_17_2_1_1598122800671_108906 .sqs-gallery-block-grid .sqs-gallery-design-grid-slide .margin-wrapper { margin-right: 20px; margin-bottom: 20px; }

    ✋ Hey there! I hope you’re feeling stronger now. If so, sharing the love will help me help other mums with chronic invisible illnesses.⬇  Hit one of those sharing buttons or save the images to Pinterest and I will do a bed-bound happy dance – there’s an image for you!

  • The Exclusive Guide To Well-being For Life

    The Exclusive Guide To Well-being For Life

    The Exclusive Guide To Well-being For Life

    As a mother your well-being is so important but do you make it your main priority? Being Mum means driving the rest of the family forward, as well as literally driving them around. If you focus on your own well-being, you’ll have the energy to do this.

    I love making sure everyone’s wellness feels uplifted, but I reached a point when my well-being needed to take priority. I am sharing how I learnt about wellness and well—being to help me look after myself and prioritise my family.

    This exclusive guide is for every mum, regardless of how old or young your kids are. It’s for you whether you face depression, anxiety or chronic illness. We all do our best with the tools we have, so this post is a guilt and judgement free zone.

    This is for you if you take the kids to all their activities, cook amazing meals whilst helping with homework; your teen cleans up after tea, you don’t know how to help your child when they’re being bullied, you’re stuck in bed all day or anything else. 

    This guide looks at the elements needed to find well-being for life so you can fulfil your own needs and find your purpose. I’ll deep dive further into key aspects of this blog in coming posts. To get the most from this blog, click below to download your free guide to wellness priorities planner.

    This guide supports you to make simple mindset shifts for better well-being for you and your family, whatever your home life looks like, how old your children are or what size your house is. This guide is for mums to build solid foundations for their family. 

    By the end of this blog you will know:

    • Why And How Wellness and Well-being Needs Managing 

    • Each Wellness Area And Learn What To Improve

    • How Your Well-being Affects Your Family Interactions 

    • How To Reward Physical and Emotional Well-being Growth

    • How To Make A Simple Focus Well-being Plan

    I hope you find this an insight into your own wellness and how the changes you make for you and your own family’s health, will impact your well-being for life. 

    * Disclaimer – this blog contains affiliate links to products that I have tried and loved. If you do buy anything using this link, I get a small monetary reward at no cost to you.

    Why And How Wellness and Well-being Needs Managing 

    Wellness: the quality or state of being healthy in body and mind, especially as the result of deliberate effort.

    Well-being: a state characterised by your  health, happiness, and prosperity; welfare

    From dictionary.com

    Wellness and Well-being both focus on our state of health and by using them both strategically, but simply we can make a shift in our mindset. If you can focus on these areas to make them work well, then you’ll feel secure.

    As someone living with chronic illnesses, wellness is hard to aspire to, so I have to approach all my healthcare decisions based on doing the best I can for myself now and try to prevent future conditions by looking after my body and mind. 

    Therefore wellness for me, is working towards the best state of mental and physical health possible. It’s about actively choosing to take self-responsibility for my own behaviour toward an outcome of healthy living and well-being for life. 

    To make the right choices I’ve had to understand some of the psychology of wellness and well-being so I could make conscious changes. By focusing on these I’m able to process ideas and reach appropriate solutions more easily.

    I’m using the psychology of Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs which is still relevant in 2020. I believe that physical wellness, feeling safe, relationships based on love and secure friendships, before we can fulfil our potential in life and love.

    This is commonly used to support personal development in the workplace but I believe it’s a great structure for personal and family growth.

    Maslow’s self actualisation is the highest state for you to find meaning and purpose in life, which links to your emotional and physical health. Read this Forbes article about how a strong sense of purpose builds our resilience in face of challenge.

    By identifying what humans need and what drives and motivates [us, we] can develop mutually beneficial relationships and positive environments

    — Katie Home

    Reaching a high level of satisfaction in your life has a positive effect by maximising your pleasure or from living with your true self. A positive family meets the needs of individuals by creating a place of security and trust for one another. 

    Positive relationships play a huge part in our wellness and wellbeing. I’m fascinated by the 5 Love Languages by Dr Gary Chapman. He explains how we give and receive love through a simple strategy shown to build positive relationships. 

    A little insight into some of the thinking behind how to well being for life helps you find solutions and influence the actions you take to improve our wellness. These breakthroughs lead to change in your mental and physical health. 

    Well-being is your current state as you use wellness areas to plan your next steps towards improved well-being. Understanding the wellness areas has helped me create more achievable goals so my future health will based on focusing on my wellness to the best that I can.  

    Understand Each Wellness Area And Learn What To Improve

    In my research I came across this diagram showing 8 areas of wellness (It seems to change with 7 and 9 elsewhere). Knowledge about these areas of Wellness and how they fit into your life, helps you decide what action to take.

    Wellness is a choice to work towards what you aspire to. This diagram shows that physical and mental health are linked, so you consider your needs holistically. The journal I’m creating will have a guide for fitting them into your life for balance. 

    Dimensions Of Wellness

    1. Emotional Wellness is about coping with life effectively and building strong relationships. I’ve discovered so much about how I look after myself and others by listening to this amazing book on Audible: Braving The Wilderness By Brene Brown.

    2. Physical Wellness is looking after your health through exercise, hydration, sleep hygiene and nutrition. We get a Vegetable Box delivered weekly. As I’m Vegan and my family are Vegetarian this inspires nutrition and variety in our diets. Click here to set up your own box, however often you need to.

    3. Intellectual Wellness is about seeing your creative abilities and actively seeking ways to expand your knowledge and skills. I love the idea of learning with a friend.

    4. Social Wellness is creating relationships with others and forming support networks with two way connections. You could try strengthening bonds on one of these Crystal Maze Experiences in London and Lancashire. 

    5. Occupational Wellness is finding satisfaction and enrichment in your choice of career or in being a Stay at Home Mum.

    6. Financial Wellness isn’t about how much money you make but how you use it. Feeling good about how you use money and talking about it is healthy. Know if youre satisfied with your situation or gain confidence about future finances.

    7. Environmental Wellness is creating a pleasant, stimulating environment around to support your overall wellbeing. I use calming items like this gorgeous Soto Aroma Diffuser by Neal’s Yard Remedies, with essential oils.

    8. Spiritual Wellness is something you strive for, whether religious or not. This helps you discover that meaning in life you strive for. Look for opportunities to grow and learn by reading (check out Oxfam online below) to connect with your true self through using mindfulness. You can learn more on The Benefits Of Meditation by reading this blog post.

    Understand How Your Well-being Affects Your Family Interactions 

    To see the whole picture your family dynamics matter too. As Mums we have to be role models and encourage healthy habits from day dot. I know it’s easier said than done – I have teenagers glued to X-boxes but we use rewards to motivate them. 

    I’ve created 4 steps, incorporating each wellness area. This will help you recognise things in your life, including you’re parenting skills, to help you improve your overall physical and mental wellness. 

    To help you work out you’re starting points to create well-being for life habits, work through the bullet points at your own pace and in whatever order works best for you. 

    1. Creating Time And Space – Start by building your physical and environmental wellness for a healthier home and family life. 

    • Create a varied diet by eating a range of nutritional foods and cooking new things with and for your kids to try to start healthy habits early.

    • Get outside with your kids most days. This is the time to play with them and be active by working at your own pace, 

    • Show your kids how sipping water through the day is good for your body and mind. It’s great for you physically and helps your skin glow.

    • Sleep is so important, as well as creating a better vibe at home, it helps motivate you, keeps your mind focused and emotions in check. I love naps!

    • Your home need to be a safe space with regards to your environment. So grow plants, create calming spaces and set quiet times for you all. 

      2. Safety and security – Stay on the theme of building safety with financial security and occupational satisfaction wellness 

    • You’re aware of the financial implications as soon as you have kids and see the reality of the amount of clothes you need for one day,so get budgeting. 

    • Creating security for your family is something we hardly discuss. It’s stressful but make time with your partner or get help to discuss savings, pensions etc. 

    • I’ve tried working full time, part time and not at all. It often felt like I wasn’t good at my job or as a Mum. This has to be your choice but keep talking.

    • Check in often with your partner about how their day and create boundaries for getting things off your chest. It’s not healthy for the family to hold things in.

    • Find ways to build a deeper connection with your family. Eat together when you can and chat to them or get them to visit you in bed when they get home, 

    3. Making Connections – Build emotional relationships within your family and develop your social support with your wider community for your family. 

    • Your emotional well-being will be affected by your stage of motherhood and womanhood. Take time to look after your emotions from hormonal changes. 

    • Consider immediate family emotions in your decisions. Do you need help solving squabbles, supporting anxious teens or making time for romance?

    • There are many personality types within a family to balance emotionally. Take these 5 Love Languages quizzes so you can develop family communication. 

    • Focus on social support networks with friends that have children when you do and/or reconnect with your friends who know you well, to turn to in a crisis. 

    • Talk about and let the kids see how to look after someone who’s hurting or solve arguments quickly. You can role play them in a family meeting too. 

      4. Development and Growth –  Finding time for intellectual and spiritual growth is hard, although as we come out of the last few years of the pandemic, I expect many of us have tried to.

    • We all need to spend time learning new things, whatever age we are or if we have chronic illnesses. It improves self discipline and boosts self confidence!

    • We saw many Acts of Kindness during the pandemic. These create a rush of positive chemicals, increasing our self worth and sense of fulfilment. 

    • Make time to relax and be creative. Try a new class out of your comfort zone. Include older kids or a willing partner, this could be a reward or bonding time.

    • Time for ourselves is a reward that all mums need. I plan a weekly reward based on self care, It’s not selfish to plan me time so get thinking! 

    • Try mindfulness and/or meditation by exploring what style works for you. Read this post to guide you through some techniques to help with stress and anxiety.

    Step 4 has ideas for your well-being plan from the top tier of Maslow’s Hierarchy, which naturally comes after you’ve built the foundations. Plan around what you feel is most important for your creativity and spirituality. Get This Free ”Understanding How To Improve Your Well-being’ Guide for support.

    How To Reward Physical and Emotional Well-being Growth

    Before you can properly take your first steps to plan your well-being target(s), you need to prioritise the most important read of wellness you need to improve well-being for life. To help stay focused on your plan, you should use rewards to help you stay on track to meet your goal or intention. 

    Rewards work because we’re motivated by dopamine which tells it whether a good or a bad thing is about to happen so we either act because of the promise of getting a reward or avoiding punishment. 

    I set rewards for all my goals and commitments, work and personal goals. When I reviewed my targets recently I realised the change of routine in lockdown had interrupted me achieving them. I know it sounds ‘workplace’, but it helps me. I recommend setting times to review your progress towards your targets. 

    However learning to roll with the changes that occur from life with challenges, means moving the goal to work at your own pace. If your symptoms flare, use the thought of your weekly reward to think positively. You need a visual to keep you motivated. I make a Pinterest mood board, to create an image of the target and reward. 

    My first well-being plan was simple, focusing on one goal for my physical wellness. I aimed to be kind to myself by listening to my body; more rest and starting bed yoga. This would impact my whole life by strengthening my foundations of physical rest and care for well-being for life. 

    I thought of what I needed to help me meet this goal and I needed my support network, so I asked Joel and the boys. They could stop me doing things if I looked unwell and I used timers/alarms, I still use these things if I need to be kind to myself. 

    As I’ve never been good at doing nothing I needed rewards to keep me focused on my goal. As I can have a flare at any time from living with chronic pain, I’ve had to learn when to go back to basics.

    Despite this being on my well-being plan a way back, I know it’s something I still need to be reminded of so I’m planning a reward for motivation. Rewards trigger our brain into wanting positive outcomes, therefore rewarding positive and emotional well-being growth.

    Rewards can be anything from an experience to a small gift or food occasionally. I’ll be sharing more ideas for these in the new journal I’m creating. If you want to make sure you’re the first to know, get sneak peeks and be on the waiting list please join my mailing list.

    How To Make A Simple Focus Wellbeing Plan

    I’ve developed my wellness plans over the years and have supported others with creating their plans. I’m excited to add these options to my new journal so you can start thinking about it.

    Well-being plans are focused with targets to set intentions and make commitments. They have to be focused on the most achievable area for your wellness and must make the biggest impact on your well-being for life.

    You can put all of this together with these simple steps and focusing on your areas of wellness. This quick and simple activity can help you spot patterns. 

    1. Go back to the 8 areas of wellness above. On the table below score each area from 1-10 in relation to how you think you’re already managing. 1 is not meeting it at all and 10 is when you’ve got it down! 

    2. Now list the 3 lowest scoring areas in order. Choose 1-3 topics from these that you need to focus on in your life now. Keep them short and simple.

    3. Write 3 actions to make changes in the three areas in this table. Or choose one action for the worst 3 areas. E.g. I will meditate for 5 minutes each day.

    4. Write the support you will need to help you achieve each target or intention. 

    5. Write the reward you will get when you achieve your target or intention and how you’ll know you achieved it. E.g When I’ve meditated every day for 1 month I will have a spa treat. 

    You can download this free Planner to print and reuse, along with a ‘Understanding How To Improve Your Wellbeing’ Guide – Click here for your free copy.

    For some guidance of actions you can take go back to the bullet points in the 4 steps to well-being section above. This planner comes with the 8 areas of wellness included.

    If you need a little more guidance, read this ‘What Is Wellness?’ article from the Global Wellness Institute

    Please let me know if you try this simple planner out in the comments. 


    The Takeaway

    1. You need to understand that wellness leads to your well-being for life. It’s important to look after your mental and physical health to prioritise needs. 

    2. Having your own awareness of the eight wellness areas I’ve talked about in this blog, helps you understand human needs better. This information helps you to prioritise your needs. 

    3. Understanding the importance of relationships is vital to you making progress whether it’s positive or negative. Having my family help me stick to my commitments is so important. 

    4. Rewards are important in helping you achieve your goals from a scientific process in the brain. Your brain prepares you for both good and bad outcomes. Try to use these strategically to focus. 

    5. You’re equipped to consider your relationship with the areas of wellness and plans for your intentions or targets. Keep going back to your 3 ‘I will’ sentences and remind yourself of your reward. Keep it short and simple. 

     

    Disclaimer

    If you’re struggling with your wellness and need targeted support from a health professional please speak to a doctor. I am not a trained healthcare professional. 

    Online Support

    You can access these websites from charities and organisations for additional support. 

    Go to the Mind website for mental health support.

    Go to the National Well-being Institute here for further support.

    I also recommend these two podcasts to check out. 

    Happy Place – Fearne Cotton

    Your Wellbeing Podcast – Mind Body Spirit Festival

    What areas of wellness do you think you need support in? Tell me in the comments what has helped you or made you think whilst reading this blog.

    Stay safe, Laura 💜

    P.S I can help you build on the areas of your well-being you may be neglecting without realising. If you want to get sneak peeks, get on a waiting list or start focusing on your well-being for life sign up to my newsletter at the bottom of the page. ⬇


    ✋ Hey there! I hope you’re feeling stronger now. If so, sharing the love will help me help other mums with chronic invisible illnesses.⬇  Hit one of those sharing buttons or save the images to Pinterest and I will do a bed-bound happy dance – there’s an image for you! 

    #block-yui_3_17_2_1_1594904364350_75680 .sqs-gallery-block-grid .sqs-gallery-design-grid { margin-right: -20px; }
    #block-yui_3_17_2_1_1594904364350_75680 .sqs-gallery-block-grid .sqs-gallery-design-grid-slide .margin-wrapper { margin-right: 20px; margin-bottom: 20px; }