The Best Emotional Development Examples Of Self Care Activities

The pandemic has affected everyone, especially young children, so we need to adapt how we teach them so we address the highlighted issues and the gaps and growth in their learning. Emotional development examples of this may be a lack of self care, managing big feelings or increased anxiety about being left at school or nursery. 

Emotional and social development grows rapidly in under fives, laying the foundation for all learning. During my 15+ years of teaching, I specialised in the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS), working closely with parents to understand each child’s emotional needs. Read the new framework for what a child learns in the EYFS here.

This blog shares advice and activities I’ve used to help children make progress: 

• The Skills And Support Needed For Emotional Development

• 21 Quality Self Care For Emotional Development Examples

• How Self Care Sets The Foundation For Success

The Skills And Support Needed For Emotional Development

The skills we use to meet an infant or child’s emotional needs are usually instinctive. Having regular interaction with them helps us respond more effectively to their needs. Creating fun experiences to support a child’s emotional growth makes them feel heard. For example, using puppets to teach nervous children how to make friends. 

These are common emotional development examples of a child needing us: 

• Crying or screaming 

• Turning away from someone or something

• Not making attachments

• Throwing tantrums

• Unhealthy relationships 

• Not cooperating or taking turns 

• Disruptive behaviour    

• Distress or anxiety 

• Unresponsiveness 

• Fighting with peers or siblings

Our response to these behaviours needs to be calm, so we need clear boundaries as all kids will test us and we’ll overreact at times. To improve poor behaviour we need to be a consistent example to our children. I’ve developed skills I share with my boys, in managing my emotions better by making time to reflect and write about how I feel. 

This has reminded me that we can foster children’s self-worth by helping them explore their similarities and differences to others. Choosing books and media representing ability, gender, sexuality, race etc. will help but we also need to talk about this. Read this blog on talking about race with children for ideas.

Emotional well-being underpins every area of development. These are areas of the official guidance for PSED for development from birth to 5 years, that affect self care. I’m basing the 21 self care activities around these emotional development examples, of skills to teach your children for future success. 

Self Regulation 

1. Managing Feelings – Understand and name feelings and learn to manage emotions by keeping calm. There’s a new focus on 3+ self-regulating. Read more about this here.

2. Self Control – Give children strategies for staying calm when frustrated. 

3. Focused Attention – Communicate responses to stress effectively. 

Managing Self

1. Self Confidence – Support older children with self reflection so they build resilience to      persevere with challenges. Help children set and achieve a simple goal. 

2. Self care – Build a sense of self as a valued individual that’s different to others. Develop healthy habits for looking after bodies and minds.

Building Relationships

1. Socialising – Build confidence in a variety of quality experiences which build a sense of     belonging to a family or community.

2. Healthy attachments – Develop attachments in warm, supportive relationships. Manage feeling sad when a parent leaves. This is in response to social change due to Covid19.

3. Understanding Needs – Show sensitivity to their own and others’ needs. Help children develop a positive attitude to people’s differences. 

21 Quality Self Care For Emotional Development Examples

Bubble baths aside, teaching children self care skills helps them thrive despite any challenges. Self care is anything you do to help yourself feel better or keep yourself feeling good. Dancing, sports, laughing, having pets etc. help your child build trust and learn how to manage strong feelings. I write about other activities that help, here.

Quality self care routines have played a crucial role in how my family has coped with my illnesses, evident in the resilience my boys have. These emotional development examples of self care for your child, are based on the EYFS skills.

1. Adult Attachments

Healthy Attachments make your child feel safe. Building bonds begin with a baby and parent, extending to family and others they spend time with. To build attachments we need to be engaged, sensitive, positive and affectionate to them. Hold them, have chats (gurgles count) and let them know you see them  by responding to their needs.

2. Frequent Feelings

With older infants and beyond, we can name a child’s feelings for them to help them understand what is happening to their body. You might say ‘you’re sad because… you hurt yourself or your sister wouldn’t play’. Start with simple games such as, making feelings cards or emoji charts so they can identify and name feelings themselves. 

3. Constant Calm

A child’s world is full of stimulation but being calm helps them relax, focus and learn. Strategies to help your child stay calm include; giving them time to eat, think and reflect; tuning in to their needs; using distractions; minimising noise and having time and space to explore. Sign up to my newsletter at the end of this page for my free guide for staying calm.

4. Routines Rule

Routines give children certainty and a feeling of control. But changes will happen so we need to teach skills for learning how to cope with unplanned changes.

• Visual timetables have images showing what’s happening that day, in order. They’re used in childcare settings but you can print this one for the home.

• Organisation helps them follow rules, such as having coat hooks by the door. 

• Make changes to this one thing at a time, being guided by the child. 

• Use a timer or song to help them adjust to routine changes. 

• Explain changes to them e.g. “After Nursery we’re_,then we are going to_”

5. Invite Independence 

Children naturally become independent but as they’re offered more variety, tantrums are more common. We can manage this by encouraging and teaching them how to ask for help respectfully. We can support independence by planning for extra time, asking instead of demanding and offering choices. All kids can learn to do chores if we make them fun e.g. sing whilst making lunch, hop to bed, splash in the bath.

6. Backing My Behaviour 

Children aged 4-5 develop self awareness of their behaviour before recognising how their actions can affect others. Support their knowledge by: 

• Remaining calm and soothing them when upset.

• Naming and explaining their feelings.

• Treating your child the way you want them to behave.

• Pointing out people’s expressions, in life and media, to help them read others.

• Showing how their words and actions affect someone else. 

7. Boundary Basics

All children test limits, the earlier the better for strong foundations. Children need clear boundaries so, a) show them who’s boss; b) have healthy routines that set clear guidelines; c) have zero tolerance rules for safety; d) be consistent.

8. Clear Communication

Babies cry to communicate a need, it’s our first non-verbal connection. This develops into expressions and gestures, which we all use more than verbal language. To extend early skills, narrate everything you do and feel and give your child time to talk. Repeat their babble and early words back to them, without correcting it. 

Widen their vocabulary and interactions by reading and listening to them and use new words as you act out pretend situations with them. Let your child develop at their own pace but seek professional advice if you’re concerned about speech delay. 

9. Support Self-esteem

How we feel about ourselves affects our actions, so self-esteem supports mental health and sets us up for success. Helping children feel good about themselves starts by building a strong connection with your child so they trust you to meet their needs.

Let them initiate play with some creative input, to encourage them to try new activities and experiences. This boosts their confidence to do more without us a safety net.

10 Personal Practices

One of the most recognisable self care practices is managing our hygiene and personal needs. Children need to choose the resources they need whilst knowing they can ask for help. We need to encourage and reward their independence.

• Toddlers will want to dress themselves so allow extra time in your daily routine and make their clothes accessible so they feel in control. 

• Toilet training should be child led but we can prepare kids by being open and explaining using it. Have everything you need ready for when they are. 

• Teach them how and when to wash hands, reinforcing this when you wash. 

• Encourage your child to get what they need to keep clean e.g. a toothbrush. Describe what you do, so they’re ready to slowly take on their personal care.

Create a varied diet with healthy choices so your child sees how you act around food as a role model. To avoid tantrums, introduce one new flavour at a time and give ‘a or b choices. Get older kids involved in preparing meals.

11. Healthy Habits

Self care routines help kids tune into their mind and body. Establishing the activities below early, allows the brain to build habits which prevent mental health problems. 

• Have regular dental and eye care checks.

• Eat the rainbow of fruit and vegetables each day, including balanced meals.

• Balance screen time with playing with your child at home and going outside.

• Do mindful exercise, such as yoga or karate, to keep them focused on now.

• Do visualisations together using a calming story, such as being on an island.

• Do a sport or hobby that requires their commitment.

• Practice daily quiet time where you connect with nature, exercise or books.

• Let your child choose activities even if it differs from how you see self care. 

12. Respectful Relationships

Having positive relationships helps us develop respect and trust for others. A baby bonds with us through skin to skin contact, creating a foundation of trust and  good communication. When we let young children know we’re thinking of them, it helps to reassure them. Children who have this will feel safer and more secure, equipping them for strong relationships in the future.

13. Effective Empathy

Empathy is learnt through experience, from around the age of 4 years old. We teach children to understand others’ feelings by imagining what someone is feeling by playing out ‘real life’ situations. Children with a foundational awareness are more likely to make kind choices, such as looking after a child who’s sad. Empathy is key for learning tolerance and sensitivity towards people who are different to them. 

14. Benefits Of Belonging

Children who feel they belong benefit by establishing self confidence and believing in themselves. We teach them the key skills of cooperative play, working with others and having consistent routines. Their relationships with family and friends shapes their self identity, with possible influences from cultural or religious groups. 

During childhood they are likely to become part of the community through toddler groups, schools and community groups such as Brownies, Football or Music groups. Fostering a child’s sense of belonging allows them to thrive because they feel safe.

15. Visibly Valued 

Children need to know that we value everything they are, not what they do. We can help them stand tall by recognising their good points, listening to them and spending one on one time with them. We need to show them we’re there through good and bad by not comparing them to others or overly criticising them. Their self worth depends on knowing they are loved and valued so show them you support their choices. 

16. Celebrate Differences

As children reach school age they become more aware of differences in their peer group. Children naturally explore similarities and differences so we can guide their understanding and ensure they know it’s okay to ask questions. Encourage them to learn about race, ability, gender, neurodiversity etc. Learning together and having open dialogue about bias and prejudice as they grow, gives kids the tools to show up. 

17. Manage My Feelings

Young children often struggle to manage big feelings, which can lead to meltdowns. Children who understand their emotions have a more successful life. Help them by:

• Talking about and naming feelings when calm, rather than hiding this.

• Showing them it’s normal to have different feelings – talk about how you feel.

• Validating their feelings, however small, to teach them it’s normal to feel that.

• Encouraging them to express how we feel by helping to put this into words.

• Seeing what triggers them, so you can help them manage their response.

• Identifying big feelings to help avoid tantrums; feeling sad or scared is okay. 

• Letting them see how you manage emotions in a socially acceptable way.

• Separating emotions from behaviour; its what they do that has consequences. 

18. Self-Regulation Recipe

Children build upon managing feelings by learning to self regulate (read about this here). Teach children how to act effectively on their emotions with these skills:

• Help deal with big emotions by using distractions, adjustments and choices.

• Explore a range of calm down strategies so your child has different options. 

• Regularly practice emotional responses to see what works best for them.

• Provide a safe environment for them to express themselves.

• Play games that foster control, such as turn taking, to practice self-regulation.

• Recognise that sometimes we have to let go of control and learn to wait.

• Plan which tools help them cope and build on this for each new trigger.

*Remember it takes a lifetime to learn this skill set, so foster emotional development. 

19. Plain Perseverance

Waiting isn’t something that comes easy as it takes a lot of willpower. However, the delayed gratification we get is one of the best rewards we can earn. Teaching kids how to persevere with a challenge helps us cope with pressure later in life. Show your child that you put the effort in when something is hard and don’t give up when you fail. Support your child in what they choose to get better at, reminding them how they’ve improved so they see that the effort is worthwhile if they want to succeed. 

20. Goal Setting

Setting goals is essential for lifelong learning, but we often expect too much of ourselves. So we need to be a good example to our children, showing them that failure is a healthy part of success. Children need to explore what’s important to them in a safe space, such as creating art or learning spellings, to build self confidence. They need to choose their own simple goals with our support. We can show them how to break a goal into achievable steps and use simple rewards as motivation.

21. Regular Reflection

Self reflection is vital for meeting our goals and improving ourselves. True self care takes work and children need to use regular reflection to do this. Show them how by:

• Celebrating who they are, not what they do.

• Playing with them to see what they’ve been doing and thinking.

• Making time and space for self reflection or mindfulness.

• Mirroring them in play to develop their self-awareness – what do they do/say?

• Teaching them ways to revisit their day such as drawing, writing or journaling.

• Making time as a family each day, to talk about our wins and what to improve.

• Talking through what helped and what interfered with them meeting their goal.

The skills in the emotional development examples above are arranged so you build the foundations of emotional intelligence, layering up skills before developing the more complex strategies. They can all be adapted to meet your family’s needs.  

How Self Care Sets The Foundation For Success 

Our children watch and listen to everything we do as soon as soon as they’re born and develop as they grow. It’s important to reflect on how well you connect with your feelings, build strong relationships, achieve your goals and understand what matters most to you. Reflect on these areas of your self care to spot any gaps. 

• You understand and healthily manage your emotions

• You recognise your emotions and how they affect you

• You communicate clearly and manage conflict

• You develop and maintain good relationships

• You have supportive and trusting relationships

• You know your strengths and weaknesses

Our children have been affected emotionally and behaviourally by the pandemic. Observing our children helps us assess them and identify gaps and strengths in their emotional development. Ask yourself these questions to understand how your child is coping in a post covid restriction world, so you can support and stretch them.

• Are you aware of any difficulties they have with attachment, socialising, self-care or general well-being?

• Do they enjoy playing with others? 

• Do they engage in varied play and social experiences?

• Do you know when to help them and when to encourage independence?

• Do they listen to and cooperate with other children and adults?

• Do they recognise when they need time to calm down? 

Strong foundations in emotional intelligence is crucial for us to achieve in life. We can motivate and inspire our children to build up skills in all the emotional development examples mentioned in this blog, so they grow into well-rounded and healthy adults.

If you have any concerns about your own or your child’s mental health or you’re worried about a developmental delay with your child, please consult a doctor or mental health professional. Click here to understand our mental health needs. 

Stay Safe

Laura 💜

P.S. Download your free home learning resources guide here. These are also great for homework or just to catch up on areas you think they need support with, whilst you play with them.

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