Strength Of Tears

Tag: self awareness

What You Need To Know About The Mental Health Benefits Of Journaling
What You Need To Know About The Mental Health Benefits Of Journaling

Journaling is a way of recording your thoughts, feelings, habits, and gaining insights for your personal development. It can look different for each individual, some record digitally and some use paper, and it can be written or drawn. It takes work but it’s worth it for the good impact journaling has on mental health.

Journaling has helped me cope with my Mental Health issues since I became chronically ill with migraine disease and was traumatised by the lack of support and, what I now know was, gaslighting from my neurology team.

The stress I was under as I tried for months to get a diagnosis, unable to work as a teacher, was immense. Even when I was diagnosed with IIH, a rare brain disease, I became depressed and had extreme anxiety as I had to wait for over a year for treatment so I had support from a mental health professional.

Whilst facing these challenges I started journaling about my situation as a way of exploring the difficult feelings I had, for example, writing about grieving for the life and career I’d lost.

This helped me work through this extremely emotional phase and I was able to rant without my loved ones being in the crossfire. Writing about my difficult emotions, whilst living with chronic illness, helped me so much that I’ve written about the benefits journaling has on our mental health when done safely.

I have also created an epic coaching journal for mental health that is written to ensure you’re not isolated in the process. The Journey To Balance Journal will help you understand yourself and your mental health needs better. You can buy the journal by clicking here.

You need this 400 page coaching journal!

Forget the trends and get ready for the journal you need as a busy and stressed out mum.

It is split into 4 sections:

Emotional Health Coaching

Goal Setting For Whole Well-being

Undated Monthly and Weekly Planner

Emotion Based Journal Prompt
Journaling is different for everyone, some use it to record parts of everyday life, whilst others use it as an exercise to process experiences, negative thoughts and feelings. Putting these things on the page helps you take back a sense of control. Psych centra says in this article that:

“journaling is a powerful, evidence-based strategy that you may find helpful for managing mental health conditions and stress.”

The mental health benefits of journaling can be powerful, helping you process stress, trauma, and difficult emotions. These are some of the ways that journaling can support you:
- Reduces stress and anxiety
Writing about your thoughts and feelings can help you reduce their intensity and therefore loosen their hold over you, reducing symptoms of stress and anxiety.
- Improves mood
Journaling can help you focus on the positive aspects of your life, which can improve your mood and increase feelings of gratitude.
- Enhances self-awareness
Journaling can help you become more self-aware as you reflect on your thoughts and behaviors. This can help you identify patterns that are causing stress or holding you back.
- Boosts creativity
Writing can stimulate the creative parts of your brain and help you come up with new ideas and solutions to problems.
- Increases mindfulness
Mindfulness is being present in the moment. Journaling can help you practice this by focusing on your thoughts and feelings in a non-judgmental way.

These mental health benefits of journaling show that it’s simple and effective to use journaling to improve your mental health. Regularly taking time out to reflect on your thoughts and emotions helps you develop strategies for coping with stress.

What Should A Mental Health Journal Feature?

Here are some elements that can are often utilised for each individual’s needs in a mental health journal:
1. Mood tracking is one of the most important features, involving recording your mood each day so that you can analyse patterns and look at what may affect your mood. By identifying triggers, you can evolve strategies to manage them.
  
  This is a key feature in the Journey To Balance Journal, based on the theme of the journal and the emotion coaching in the self-help section of the journal. Over a month you record your daily mood on this graphic, colouring in using the key. There’s also space to document how triggers impact your mood.
2. Daily gratitude log allows you to practice gratitude, which is important in promoting mental wellbeing. This exercise helps you beat negative self-talk which can stifle your personal development and impact your mood. Learn more about how to overcome this by reading my blog about beating toxic self-talk.

I set out to ensure that the ‘Journey To Balance’ mental health journal encourages positive self-talk by having a segment where you write down what you are grateful for each day. It’s a quick and easy way to help you maintain good mental health.

3. Self-care habits are one of the mental health benefits of journaling, building self worth by tracking your self-care activities. Using a habit tracker can help you set goals for things that make you feel good and improve your well being. You can adopt and keep up habits such as exercise, meditation or any other activities that promote self-care.

Recording your self-care activities on the habit tracker in the Journey To Balance Journal will help you feel motivated and committed to doing self-care. In the long run, achieving your goal to make these activities habits will improve your whole life.

“In a nutshell, your health. wealth, happiness, fitness, and success depend on your habits.” – Joanna Jast

4. Thought records, according to this NHS information, is a common cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) exercise. It is explained in full here as the practice of recording and studying your thoughts and feelings about a situation so you can understand the link between your thoughts and behaviours.

As explained in the daily gratitude section this is a helpful tool that allows you to identify and challenge negative thought patterns. The gratitude log is part of this section of the Journey To Balance Journal for mental health. Record the thoughts and feelings you have throughout the day, so that you can process your emotions and reframe negative thoughts and feelings.
5. Regular Reflections is a core self care activity. I discuss how this activity and others lead to emotional development in this blog (link). I explain how self reflection is vital for meeting our goals and improving ourselves through regular self care.

In the Journey To Balance Journal for mental health, I’ve ensured that there are activities in the prompts section and space for deep work in the monthly reflection area. This is what makes it a powerful self awareness book as it helps you gain real insight into your thoughts and feelings.

These features should be personalised to your specific needs and goals in a mental health journal. They can be a powerful tool for promoting self-awareness, identifying patterns, and working towards positive mental health outcomes.

Quick Guide: How Is Journaling Good For Mental Health?

From my own experiences with chronic conditions, I have found journaling a helpful tool for balancing my mental health. I used it as an opportunity to explore the difficult feelings I was experiencing as I grieved the life I’d known pre chronic illness.

Journaling helped my mental health during this difficult time period and has continued to do so as I manage the challenges of chronic illness. Journaling gives me space to shout about it without aiming my negative emotions at my loved ones.

It isn’t just me using journaling to process big emotions, in fact it’s well documented that journaling is good for mental health. I found research, such as this WebMD article, that explains that the mental health benefits of journaling include reducing stress, building self-awareness, regulating emotions, and breaking the cycle of obsessing over negative experiences.

In Conclusion…

Journaling is good for your mental health. Recording your thoughts and feelings can be therapeutic, helping you process difficult emotions and experiences. Writing about stressful events can help you make sense of them.

Journaling helps you gain a deeper understanding of yourself, your values, and your priorities. It can help you explore new ideas and perspectives and can be a helpful tool for tracking progress towards goals and reflecting on personal growth.

I know that writing about my difficult emotions whilst living with chronic illness helped me, so I have written the Journey To Balance Journal to include the 5 key features of a good mental health journal: Mood tracking, gratitude journaling, self care habits, thought records and reflections.

This journal for improving mental health puts emotional development front and centre, so that it has a positive impact on your mental health. Chronic illness life comes with many difficult feelings so the Balance Journal allows you to:
- Write freely to help you understand yourself better
- Rant about difficult situations without it being aimed at loved ones
- Use the coaching aspect of the journal to create a safe space to explore your emotions
Overall, journaling can be a valuable tool for improving mental health and well-being. It’s a simple and accessible practice that can be tailored to meet your unique needs and preferences.
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✋ Hey there! I hope you’re feeling stronger now. If so, sharing the love will help me help other mums with chronic invisible illnesses.⬆ Hit one of those sharing buttons or save these images to Pinterest and I will do a bed-bound happy dance – there’s an image for you!
18/05/2023
My Breakthrough To Protect My Sensitive Mind Using Emotional Vulnerability
My Breakthrough To Protect My Sensitive Mind Using Emotional Vulnerability

When someone enters the room can you feel when something’s up?

I can. I feel the vibes as soon as someone walks into the room which makes me a highly sensitive person but I wasn’t always aware of what that meant. My intuition or gut just got me into a pickle as I didn’t understand everything I was feeling. I’d bury my stronger emotions, in a poor attempt to protect my inner self.

Pushing down our feelings like this only leads to explosive interactions. It can be helpful to think of emotions as different types of weather, some extreme, some mild and some regular, everyday weather that just happens. We have no ability to control the weather and we cannot control our emotions.

Just as we study the weather, we can study our emotions so we can protect ourselves from the storms and pollution to make a calm decision about how to react. Stepping outside our comfort zone, embracing emotional vulnerability and facing our fears, leaves us exposed but shows us the courage we actually have.

Journaling has helped me spot patterns, work through problems and plan how to cope with strong emotions. I’ve created a free journal prompts download as a sneak peek of one section of the journal I’m creating (coming soon). I’ve designed the journal, including these prompts, around what’s helped me during years of experience, research and personal breakthroughs.

Get Your Journal Prompts Now
The shaky feeling we get when we step outside on a stormy day is down to physical vulnerability. It makes us want to turn around and go home, escaping the danger, wondering why we ever thought we could do it. But if we just push ourselves to take one step, then another and so on, we’ll feel invigorated for it.

That same strange feeling, our heart rate increasing and our palms growing sweaty, is there when we put ourselves in potential emotional harm because of feeling shame or insecurity. It may feel like protection to hold back, but it would prevent us finding joy on a new adventure on an icy path or love from kissing in the pouring rain.

In this blog I’m going to share my story of learning about emotional vulnerability and the impact this has had on my life choices. I will explore what I’ve learnt about emotions and vulnerability and how stepping outside our comfort zone can help us find belonging, joy, love and courage and how to create a plan to do this yourself.
- Empath Or Highly Sensitive Person?
- Protecting Myself By Setting Boundaries
- The Path Of Vulnerability
- Exploring Emotions
- Creating A Plan For Coping Emotionally
Empath Or Highly Sensitive Person?

My life coach has been crucial to my story, guiding me toward understanding my emotional responses to big life events. Identifying how my highly sensitive nature affects me, allowed me to plan for how to safely be emotionally vulnerable and cope with knowing what a friend or loved one is feeling, before they’ve even said a word.

Highly Sensitive People (HSP) can experience empathy and even absorb others’ emotions. This can be incredibly tiring on you, but also an asset when dealing with people. HSPs usually hate drama and conflict because it’s emotionally draining. Read this blog post to see if you’re one of the 20% of the population who are HSP.

Empaths are highly sensitive too, but not all highly sensitive people are Empaths. Studies show that Empaths are drawn to caring professions, such as counselling or teaching, due to getting others needs. They let their gut lead them through life and may feel they have psychic or healing powers. Read more about Empaths here.

These labels are useful for understanding our behaviour patterns. Understanding I’m an Empath helped me move out of my comfort zone to face new challenges. Labels themselves don’t define us, they’re just one piece of the puzzle that makes you, you! This information has helped me form a coping plan and create personal boundaries.

Protecting Myself By Setting Boundaries

Being highly sensitive means that when something is wrong with someone in my company, I take on the vibe or mood created by their emotions. This often happens without us being aware. So I’ve had to develop my self awareness and learn how to protect myself by setting boundaries with myself and others.

Having this trait means I strongly empathise with others but a lack of awareness meant I didn’t always deal with this well and could lead to arguments. With Joel, my husband, this would stem from me asking hiwhat was up? He’d reply ‘nothing’ so I’d tell myself it was my fault and my sensitivities took over until we ended up arguing.

We’d never argue for long and we’ve now learnt from behaviour patterns and worked on understanding our feelings and changing how we communicate. This helps us know how to take care of how we’re feeling individually and together so we can be more open with each other, especially when we might be wrong.

Like many other Empaths, I knew in my gut I had to teach and when my health meant I had to stop teaching, this didn’t go away. I joined chronic illness support groups and would offer to help. However, I didn’t look out for myself and absorbing their emotions was exhausting. I had to learn how to do what I loved without taking a personal hit.

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how to use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.”

— Anna Taylor

I’ve put time into learning how to be vulnerable by pushing myself out of my comfort zone, which has allowed me to grow. I had to let go of control and allow negative feelings in, before letting them go to find a sense of calm. Finding this balance has meant protecting myself from burnout whilst still supporting others.

The Path Of Vulnerability

Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings, particularly the emotional experiences we crave, even if we don’t know it yet. Too often vulnerability is seen as weakness but if we beat down that wall, we’ll see the path of emotional vulnerability. If we take this path it can lead us to our goals and ambitions or our life’s purpose.

It explains her findings as a researcher when her academic work reached across the divide and connected with millions of views. She is now celebrated as a leader in exploring our emotions, particularly shame, guilt, courage, and empathy.

The path of vulnerability is my terminology for this concept, as Brené’s words helped me walk this path myself. I believe the path starts with our negative feelings and moves us through a process of working through these, which takes a while. In time, we find we can accept these feelings as part of life and no longer an obstacle in reaching our goal of courage and finally joy.

The stepping stones you follow on this path may be small moments that pop up, such as feeling anxious or may be huge life events that reveal strong emotions and change our course. It’s vital we don’t skip the steps that make us feel exposed, but work through the barriers. Being open to fragility allows the path to stay open for you.

Emotional vulnerability makes us feel unsteady and off-balance, which can be scary. Most of us put on protective armour to avoid feeling uncertainty, shame, fear and anxiety. This changes from person to person, but Brené says this revolves around a) striving for perfection, b) numbing ourselves or b) self sabotaging joyful moments.

Instead of protecting ourselves this leaves us with a build up of negative emotional behaviour patterns. We need to recognise emotions we’d rather avoid and be open to exploring them. Looking at when they appear, why they have such an impact and what triggers the walls going up, means we can learn to break the walls down.

This means being more aware of our environment, social interactions, physical and economic factors, which all affect our emotional well-being. This awareness will help us feel more sure about the changes we’d like to see in our life. When we have this knowledge we can remove the barriers and head with confidence to the finish line.

Exploring Emotions

To do any of this we need to explore and understand our emotions, which means being mindful of how we’re feeling. This can simply be in those small moments or when strong emotions rush at us during huge life events. Feelings can complicate how your brain reacts to a stressful situation.

Initially we need to be able to notice, name and respond appropriately to any emotions we’re feeling. Even if you’ve been raised to talk through your feelings, intense mixed emotions can leave you in a bind if you can’t regulate your emotional response.

Knowing how to break down what we’re feeling helps us develop self awareness. We need to explore how to recognise, feel and react to good, bad and in-between feelings before moving on to this with mixed emotions. Strong feelings can confuse our process but we can get there by developing self awareness.

Read this blog on my top 2 self awareness books.

Our emotions can tell us what others are feeling, especially if we’re highly sensitive. Our emotional vulnerability allows us to sense how someone feels without being told. This is where our senses come into play. We can compare other’s smiles and frowns and the tension or calm in a room because of our understanding of our own feelings.

If we develop self awareness, self control and empathy for others, we will be more effective in all our relationships, both professional and personal. These traits allow us to move out of our comfort zone because we can read a situation and deploy appropriate reactions, helping us to grow in many ways and find emotional wellness.

Creating A Plan For Coping Emotionally

Simply using a two pronged approach can help. Take time during the day to be mindful of how you feel by regularly stopping and taking a few deep breaths to check in with your body and mind. Once present, ask yourself ‘What am I feeling right now?’ ‘How is my body reacting to that feeling?’. Notice calm, chaos, concern, content etc.

Using a journal is a great way to make time to explore what works best. It can help us spot patterns, narrow in on the exact feeling we’re experiencing and plan how to react appropriately. It takes time, especially if we’ve not been raised to talk about our feelings, but it’s worth the time and energy.

This process will make us experience emotional vulnerability so we need to be aware that our brain becomes overwhelmed and we can’t regulate our response. If this happens, use the tools you’ve developed for dealing with your emotions. After doing this regularly we can formulate a plan for dealing with our feelings in all situations.

As our feelings are both external and internal we also need to take into account the response from our gut, which can be physical. Being aware of this is very useful for mixed emotions, which can be explosive. This needs to be part of the plan so we can manage stressful situations without becoming overwhelmed or stuck in a rut.

Why Emotional Vulnerability Is An Enormous Help For Sensitive People

As a highly sensitive person, it’s so important that I’ve learnt to focus on my own emotions as my spidey sense is most often triggered by other people’s emotions. I’ve always been quicker to pick up on someone else’s emotional confusion than my own, which may be because I’ve always been a people watcher.

Knowing that I have someone to check in with me each day to ask how I’m feeling, is vital in my self care routine, as well as asking myself through the day. Over the years my family has developed a habit of daily check-ins, between ourselves and with the boys. This helped us cope with the strong, mixed emotions after I became ill.

I’ve learnt not to push what I think they’re feeling and simply ask how they’re feeling, listen fully and then ask how I can help. By being empathetic and being able to accept my emotional vulnerability, I can feel I can support them much better. I need others to show me empathy so I want to offer to others that respect.

I also need someone to make me level with them, as if the pain is bad I’d hide it or at most say ‘meh’! I still tend to say ‘I’m okay’ as I’m always in some amount of pain and hate being negative. My sensitive mind means I’d tend to feel guilt or shame but I’ve learnt not to protect myself from those feelings. Being more vulnerable has allowed me to reconnect with my feelings and accept that negative emotions are okay.

In Oprah’s interview with Brené Brown they discuss the importance of talking about feeling shame. “If you want to see a shame cyclone turn deadly, throw one of these at it: ‘Oh, you poor thing.’ Or the incredibly passive-aggressive… version of sympathy: ‘Bless your heart.’” We need friends who show empathy as shame can’t survive that.

Having a highly sensitive nature means that emotions are all about how we sense our own and other’s feelings. This makes the weather the perfect metaphor for talking about feelings. Most people are scared of extreme weather conditions which can’t be controlled, which is the same as being afraid to let go of your emotional response.

““Being afraid, ashamed of, or embarrassed by your feelings is like being afraid of the weather, because emotions (tears, panic attacks, angry outbursts, withdrawal, depression, elation, lust, romantic excitement, euphoria) are the weather conditions of the inner self.””

— TIna Tessina
Read this article where the weather is used to describe different feelings. It says that there are extreme weather conditions, such as volcanoes, earthquakes and floods that we do need to protect ourselves from. However, like the weather, most emotional climates are mild.
- Sunshine – your smile, like the sun can come out behind a heavy cloud or after a storm, once pressure is equalised.
- Rain – just as rain comes with a change in pressure, tears usually come with an inner release of tension or pain.
- Rainbows – after tears have streamed down our cheeks we feel hopeful again, just as the rainbow brings hope after the rain.
- Storms – The build up of emotions coming to their peak can be violent like a storm but when they clear they bring calm.
- Fog – we may feel foggy when we don’t really know what we’re feeling. The dark clouds reflect our emotions but can clear quickly.
- Smog – if we get lost in unclear, dark thoughts we can sink into a depressive spiral when shame or fear pollute our thoughts.
This is why we need to explore our emotions and travel the path of emotional vulnerability so that our feelings of shame, guilt and discomfort don’t sink us into a deep depression. Instead it can take us outside of our comfort zone where we can find our sense of belonging, love and courage.

We need to take time to understand our emotions and how they affect us. Journaling about how we’re feeling is the perfect way to keep track each day and find our emotional patterns and create our own coping plans. We can even do this with our kids so check out the ideas in this blog from last year.

Understanding how natural and normal all feelings are is so important and these metaphors and practical ideas can help us find our patterns and forecasts. It’s so important to know that it’s okay to be vulnerable so that difficult emotions are less feared, because we know that this path will help us find our truth.
I’m recommending these books to you, to help you develop your awareness of emotions or emotional intelligence, understand more about the role vulnerability has in us living a balanced life. I’ve also chosen a book for those of you who are highly sensitive so you can build boundaries to protect yourself.

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How much time to you spend understanding your emotions and how to respond to them?

Are you an Empath and if so, how do you cope with absorbing other’s emotions?

Tell me in the comments.

I’ve created a free download of journal prompts for you. These prompts are a taster of one aspect of my unique journal I’m creating for emotional wellness (coming soon). These prompts will help you create a more balanced and purposeful life! So grab a pen and paper now and start using one of these 18 prompts today.

Simply click on the link below to get your free copy and access to all my resources. Tell me how you found them in the comments and ask me any questions you have about this topic.

Stay safe,

L 💜

Get Your Free Journal Prompts Here

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17/03/2021
2 Insanely Good Self Awareness Books You Need To Read
2 Insanely Good Self Awareness Books You Need To Read

Being self aware is one of those things that we all think we are but most of us journey through life without this understanding. I think many of us are aware of who we think we are, believing we have the qualities we see as important.

“Self awareness: “good knowledge and judgment about yourself.””

— The Cambridge Dictionary
Self awareness is understanding your character, behaviour, thoughts, actions and feelings. As someone who’s had to adjust my life because a massive curve-ball, self awareness is something I’ve become fascinated with. Initially, I was dealing with so many emotions and constant pain so there was no room in my life for self study.

When I lost my vocation as a teacher I grieved the loss of the only thing I’d ever wanted to be, other than a mother. I’d put all my eggs in one basket so I completely lost my way, I had no awareness of my purpose. I loved being a mum but I knew enough about myself to know I needed more.

I worked so hard to prove to myself I wasn’t a waste of space and really struggled to let myself heal. So I turned to a life coach who helped me deal with the stuff I’d buried, understand my behaviour patterns and set myself goals to rebuild myself. Click here to read about this in my blog about fulfilment.

Along my self discovery journey, I’ve listened to 2 insanely good books that have helped me reflect on my thoughts and behaviours. Both self awareness books have helped me understand myself and my feelings better so I wanted to share my thoughts on these books with you.

In this blog I’ll talk about:
- Psychology and Self Awareness
- Braving The Wilderness By Brené Brown
- Becoming By Michelle Obama
- My thoughts on Growth and Self Awareness
Psychology and Self Awareness

In psychology, self awareness is in two categories. The first is subjective self awareness where we look at our behaviour from our own perspective, with the world evolving around us. The Objective Self Awareness Theory was defined in a study by Duval and Wicklund in 1972.

They defined objective self awareness as a person being self-focused or other-focused at any given time, and that when someone was ‘inward focused’ they were comparing themself to the standards from their environment. This leads to adjustments in thoughts and behaviours.

““The more self-focused a person is, the more self-aware the person become”

— Kori D. Miller

Their work sparked many more studies as more questions arose around the standards we compare ourselves to. To know more about the psychological viewpoint of self awareness please click here to read this article.

This interest has become popular with mindfulness and meditation growing considerably, alongside journalling to spend time on reflection. I write about 3 positive things in my journal every day, which helps me to take a pause. The next step is to have a standard for comparison..

Personality tests are constantly being developed as a point of reference for self awareness. Today I took the Enneagram Type Indicator which has 9 types, each centred around an emotion. I came out as ‘The Perfectionist’, not surprisingly. To take this test click here.

Braving The Wilderness By Brené Brown

Brené Brown

Buy Braving The Wilderness Here

Click Here To Get The Book

Brené Brown is a research professor and storyteller who studies courage, shame, vulnerability and empathy. Her Ted Talk on The Power Of Vulnerability is one of the most watched Ted Talks of all time and is what she’s probably best known for. I stumbled across this accidentally one day but had no idea how much this had blown up. You can watch it here.

A few years later my life coach recommended this book to me. I listened to it on Audible and it just kept hitting home. This is the book that started my mini obsession with Brené who writes the most accessible, research driven Self Awareness Books I’ve come across.

This book’s subtitle, ‘The quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone’, sings of storytelling. She starts the book with her own confession about feeling vulnerable as she embarks on writing something that may challenge long held beliefs. She draws you in with her personal touch as she tells the story of her findings.

Brené talks about her faith and how this made things difficult for her to belong at school, being in the wrong religion in a Catholic school for starters. For me faith is a very different thing and I wasn’t sure I could relate to her talking about her relationship with God and the church. However her story about her search for belonging is told so beautifully it isn’t alienating or preachy.

““We’re in a spiritual crisis, and the key to building a true belonging practice is maintaining our belief in inextricable human connection”

But it’s that power of vulnerability that keeps pulling me back in as she talks about our tendency to get rid of or cover our pain, hoping that will make it go away. However, she found that the men and women she studied who leaned into joy, practised gratitude. This practice allows us to show our vulnerable moments of joy but without vulnerability there’s no courage to show up.

Braving The Wilderness

By Brené Brown

Get The Book On Audible

Buy Braving The Wilderness By Brené Brown on Audible here

Becoming By Michelle Obama

Becoming

By Michelle Obama’s

Click To Buy This On Audible

Michelle Obama’s best-selling autobiography isn’t what comes to mind when you think of self awareness books but her honest reflection on her life is enlightening. I don’t really need to introduce her as she’s one of the most iconic women of our time.

This memoir is an insight into her world and experiences that have shaped her. She speaks of her childhood in a small apartment within a bungalow in Chicago in a typical Black working class community. It was in a time of turmoil in America with riots sparked by the shooting of Martin Luther King Jr.

I love her recollection of being asked on her first date by Barack, one warm summer evening. She recalls him politely asking if he could kiss her and at the moment everything became clear to her. She tells the reader that as soon as she allowed herself to feel anything, all the feelings came rushing; lust, fulfilment and wonder.

She talks openly about balancing her own work as a lawyer and being a mother. However, her honest revelations about her frustrations with Barack moving higher up the political ladder, was an uncomfortable read.

In her words, he became a “human blur, a pixelated version of the guy I knew”.

As they ‘Become More’ with their move to The White House, she describes how suffocating she finds the windows that can’t be opened and the secret service everywhere. She complains about “the new heaviness” the presidency brings with it but at the end of those eight years, she returns to having time for reflection.

I loved listening to Michelle narrate the audiobook herself. Her voice is so calming to listen to and that calm, as she often references, is needed for true reflection. This audiobook won’t come up if you search for self awareness books but it’s inspired me to reflect on my own family life and how I’ve balanced motherhood and working. Read my blog about balancing life as a mum and that thing called mum guilt here.

Becoming

By Michelle Obama

Click Here To By The Book

Buy Becoming By Michelle Obama on Audible here.

2 Epic Self Awareness Books For Guaranteed Growth

Whether you’re looking for self awareness books to reflect on the different aspects of yourself or you stumble across these books by chance, I highly recommend them both. They will both open your eyes to how aware you truly are and teach you the importance of taking time to reflect.

I mentioned earlier that many of us are aware of who we think we are. I was reminded of this when I took the Enneagram test, having to stop myself from giving answers for the qualities I may see as important, although these tests aren’t a competition, rather a tool for learning about yourself. Maybe self awareness is really about being brutally honest with yourself.

In Braving The Wilderness, Brené Brown makes you think about your feelings, your habits and your behaviors. This book certainly helped me have clarity on why being vulnerable was something I needed to give myself permission for. She makes sure you know that to guarantee your personal growth, self awareness is key.

In Becoming, Michelle Obama took me with her on her life journey, making sure I knew that the end of the book was not the end of her journey. She shows just how patient and persistent she was, is and will be in the future. She’s a role-model to so many and her honest reflections reinforce the importance of focusing on our own growth.

Both books talk about allowing yourself to feel. For Michelle this revolves around letting go as she begins to fall for Barack. With Brené it’s an understanding from her research that it’s okay to feel pain. Both of these circumstances rely on your vulnerability, even with one negative and one positive emotion. I love how both authors lead you towards this.

After reading these books I know I have to allow myself to be vulnerable so I can be self aware, I’ve learnt from these self awareness books that being vulnerable is not weak or restrictive and that in fact, it will help you uncover the truths that you’re looking for. The secret element to self-awareness is surely our ability to be vulnerable.

Stay safe

Laura 💜

P.S I can help you develop your self awareness focus with this free well-being planner. This is an opportunity to reflect on your habits and prioritise your wellness now. You can also make sure that you’re the first to know when my wellness journal’s launch date. Sign up to my Strong Mum’s mailing list for all this and much more.

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✋ Hey there! I hope you’re feeling stronger now. If so, sharing the love will help me help other mums with chronic invisible illnesses.⬇ Hit one of those sharing buttons or save the images to Pinterest and I will do a bed-bound happy dance – there’s an image for you!
23/10/2020
7 Skills You Need To Live A Fulfilling Life
7 Skills You Need To Live A Fulfilling Life
Do you ever wonder if you’ll ever be able to realise your hopes and dreams? Maybe you can’t be arsed with it all anymore. I get it, it’s hard work to even think about change when you’re dealing with life and all the shizz that goes with it. But have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe you could achieve more?

It would be so easy to just keep on doing what you do, when you live the frazzled mum life. But have you thought about not being such a hot mess Mum? Yeah you look great doing it but you could genuinely be as happy as a pig in shit clover! Aren’t you up for a challenge? Maybe hearing how I came to be that happy pig will help you.

My own experiences of being super stubborn meant that it was more like I’d face planted that shit clover at first. I damaged my own and my family’s well-being by being so stuck in my ways, but I was scared! When I started taking notice of my behaviour patterns, I knew I had to make some changes.

However, you have to be in the right mindset for change so I needed to do some work on that first. I reflected on past experiences to see what I do and how I act when I’ve achieved and when I’ve failed. I began to understand my behaviours and how this affected my happiness. I had to see my strengths and weaknesses so I could grow.

I believe that we need to build the foundations of our well-being. Part of that is looking at our tools for personal development. We have to build and develop the skills we need to live a fulfilling life. In this blog I’m sharing how I got into the right mindset to develop the skills to reach my personal goals. The 7 skills are:
- Positive Thinking and Self Talk
- Setting Boundaries
- Building Healthy Relationships
- Managing Stress Levels
- Being Self Aware
- Drive For Learning
- Emotional Resilience
Mindset – What shapes you?

It’s important to have a growth mindset when you go through change. For these skills to be effective tools for leading a fulfilling life, you need to establish an openness to learning. When I was a teacher I lived with anxiety, however, I would try to carry on as usual instead of learning coping skills. This affected my emotional well-being.

When I was diagnosed with IIH, a brain condition, I was so headstrong that I spent months crawling up my stairs each night. It would take me ½ an hour, with Joel behind me and the kids at the top of the stairs, all encouraging me as I cried out with each step. I was determined not to have a stair lift, refusing to give in to my illness.

My stubbornness and denial fused together and I let my ego make the decisions, to my whole family’s detriment. Read more about why we suffer from being stubborn in this article. When I finally stopped fighting, I could focus on my emotional well-being and think more positively as I gradually developed my mindset for change.

Your mindset is how you view the world from your unique standpoint. Your state of mind is based on what you see, think and believe; influenced by your personality, environment and circumstances. Your mindset is what shapes you and you can retrain the brain to be open to change and turn most negatives into positives.

““Love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning.””

— Carol S. Dweck

The Seven Skills

1. Positive Thinking and Self Talk

I generally think positively but when I was ill and undiagnosed, I became depressed. It took time but I worked hard on my insecurities through practicing self care. I journaled about the positives in my day and used affirmations. Positive thinking helped me rebuild my self esteem, changing my fears and doubts into hope.

Occasionally old wounds reappeared and I’d slip back into negativity. I discovered Brené Brown and her study on the stories we tell ourselves. In this video clip she talks about recognising these stories. My own self-talk was a proper Moaning Minnie with crazily creative but false narratives which sabotaged my mindset.

Learning not to do this is an ongoing process but it’s so useful in developing self worth. I learnt to check myself if Moaning Minnie tried to get my attention. I’d work on understanding why I was feeling that way and ask myself if what I thought was true. Using a different perspective to look at my thoughts and actions is a powerful tool.

Mindfulness encompasses anything that allows you to be present and aware of your mindset. This includes anything that lessens the impact stress has on you. Meditation is a great opportunity to become more self aware and pairing it with gentle yoga helps you create the sense of calm needed to let go of what weighs you down.

Yoga also releases endorphins which play an important role in reducing negative emotions. You may see this as being a bit woo-woo, but in 5 minutes you can learn breathing exercises which will help your anxiety. Read how Meditation benefits me in this blog. These yoga pants and essential oil roll-on are great for relaxation .

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Sign up to my Strong Mum’s Mailing List to get access to my free guide on meditation. Check out my free resources here.

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2. Setting Boundaries

I’ve always had strong personal values and nothing sways me being honest, driven and supporting others. I’ve always worked around these core values, although I have others. When I was teaching I was very self aware and confident in how they fitted into my life.

But having IIH tested me, when my self confidence wavered I became depressed. I’d put so much of myself into my teaching career, both with supporting the children’s learning and mentoring other teachers. But sitting watching TV all day left me feeling undervalued, this wasn’t the case, it was the stories I was telling myself.

As my treatment started to take effect, I was able to reflect on my values. I worked hard to reestablish my self-esteem but when I reflect on this hazy time, I realise I’d been caught in a loop of doing things for others instead of for myself. I reset my boundaries around this to make myself my priority, and no that’s not selfish!

To live a fulfilling life you need to know what you stand for and stick to it. If you know what you value, you can set boundaries around what you do, how you act and how you feel. If you haven’t considered your own values, it’s best to focus on a core of 3 or 4. Read this article to learn more about having core values.

3. Building Healthy Relationships

When I was younger I didn’t always make great decisions about the relationships I had in my life. When I met my husband Joel at university, we became friends first. He became someone I trusted and he’s shaped my life profoundly. I believe the strong foundations we’d built our relationship on, has helped us deal with my illness as a team.

On the other side of this, becoming ill made me question some of my closest friendships, some of these being in my life for years. I’d felt abandoned when I needed support during such an important time in my life. At first I was upset at how they treated me but Joel told me that these had never been two way friendships.

It quickly became apparent who my true friends were. I was so grateful to those who had the patience to keep up with conversations with me where I’d forget the point. My situation cemented bonds with newer friends who showed me that they had my back. I always knew I had their support during the hardest times.

Relationships change as you evolve and some naturally drift apart. It’s important to keep relationships healthy by only making space for the friends who’ ve shown up for you. A healthy relationship is a two-way street, one you can trust in easily and feel confident in, so you can live a fulfilling life.

4. Managing Stress Levels

Having anxiety means it’s important to manage my stress levels. This means continual reflection on my part to understand what I can’t control and what I can change. Life during a pandemic has heightened my anxiety which is a shame as I’d been doing okay. However, I wouldn’t be human if this time hadn’t gotten to me.

My physical and mental health are very closely linked so I have to constantly remind myself to listen to my body and notice signs of stress. I didn’t recognise the unrealistic expectations I put on myself until I had time to reflect and adjust. I have to remind myself most people can’t function on the amount of pain medication I’m on.

To look after myself I needed to de-stress and I started to practice self care. Initially just the frilly stuff we recognise, such as pampering and treating myself. But as I learnt more about it I understood that I needed real self care. I started by arranging to talk to a professional about what was going on in my head.

I’m still learning to give myself a bit of a break.

We live in a busy mind world, trying to juggle everything, being connected and available 24/7. We need to lower our stress levels as our brain reacts to it as if we’re in danger, triggering the fight or flight response. Having the opportunity to be present is important for our happiness but even more so for us to be able to live a fulfilling life.

5. Being Self Aware

Being self aware sounds like such a simple thing, but it comes alongside developing the first four skills. As it is, time on my own has given me the chance to develop an understanding of myself, much deeper than if I’d stuck to watching TV all day!

I took up making jewellery which gave me time to be present. I developed a habit of daily reflection and realised that I’d always found it hard to say no to people. My boundaries blurred as I’d offer to help others at the detriment to my health. On the other side, I struggled to accept help too, So I made a plan to set myself boundaries.

As I embraced developing these 7 skills, I wondered how my actions, thoughts and values had changed now that my life was so different. I’d be so hard on myself when I saw what others were achieving compared to me. I still do this but am aware of it so I remind myself that achieving anything at all in a day, is a win for me.

Self-awareness is “the ability to see ourselves clearly to understand who we are, how others see us, and how we fit into the world around us.” Tasha Eurich.

You will be conscious of your emotions, beliefs, passions and traits so you can compare this to your own values. This skill can ultimately lead to a happier life as it’s value focused.

To aim towards being able to live a fulfilling life you can set yourself personal value based goals. To avoid stress and anxiety it’s important to write about them and talk to others who see you objectively. This makes you aware of how others see you meaning you’ll be able to have authentic relationships.

“You do not find fulfilment by rearranging the circumstances of your life. You find it by being in touch with who you are at the deepest level and being an expression of that in the world.”
”

— Melli O’Brien

6. Drive For Learning

I’ve always been driven. As a teacher I’d push myself to keep learning to know I was doing my best. When pain took the wheel and I was too ill to work, I had to rethink my capability to learn. Despite my mushy brain, I started a blog alongside my online jewellery shop but I think my mindset was fixed and I felt the need to prove myself.

As the Laura we all knew started to return after my first surgeries, and I’d grieved my career, I started taking opportunities to seek challenges. I took online workshops learning marketing, how to hone my writing, how to take pro product photos and more. The results were finding my way to here and becoming a freelance writer.

The biggest chance to grow came when I explored how to cope with the challenges that I now faced. With support I opened myself to healing from the emotional pain I’d dealt with for years. I learnt to be heart centred, putting my own well-being first for the first time in my adult life.

Your mindset is formed young, shaping your relationships with success and failure. Growth mindset is when you believe you can adapt, thriving on challenges and seeing failure as an opportunity to grow. You learn to value the process, not just the outcome, and do this for your own satisfaction rather than to receive praise from others.

7. Emotional Resilience

I didn’t know what resilience meant until I was faced with waking every day to the same pounding head, ringing ears and fatigue. Those evenings climbing the stairs took their toll on the whole family but they were there with me every step of the way. I had so much change to cope with that I chose to be stubborn and fight it all at first.

My first surgery really tested our resilience as a family though; skull surgery kind of does that. As Joel waited with me at the hospital trying to hold it together, Youngest was looking out for his older brother, then just 9 and 11, who was having a total meltdown and didn’t know how to tell my Dad who was looking after them. This hit us hard.

As time went on and the surgeries kept coming, we all came together to help each other through it. My illness has affected my husband and boys as much as me. In family therapy we learnt how to communicate better, working as a team. We went on to develop coping strategies for change, building emotional resilience.

Change and stress is part of life but you can develop emotional resilience by taking these steps: Build connections with the people who understand and support you; build an optimistic outlook, manage your thoughts and make you the priority in your life, mentally and physically. Read this article on developing emotional resilience.

““Failure is so important. We speak about success all the time but it is the ability to resist or use failure that often leads to greater success.”
”

— J. K. Rowling

How to Live A Fulfilling Life With Hope

If you’ve made it this far then I’m guessing that the challenge of being as happy as a pig in shit clover is one you’re willing to take on. Who knows, you could even realise those hopes and dreams that you’ve been trying to forget about, even if they look a little different than you first thought. Happiness isn’t worth it if there’s stress chasing it

Most of us have everything materialistic we could want but we are living a global mental health crisis. We live the go-go-go lifestyle, chasing our dreams but we’re so stressed and overwhelmed that we don’t even stop to ask ourselves why! Our health, relationships, well being and quality of life suffers.

It’s not just me that lost touch with myself. Our awareness of the need to listen to our bodies, minds and hearts, when they are screeching at us to slow down and stop is seen as woo-woo. Well some of it is but some of it helps us cope with the change that we find so hard. We need to understand ourselves to stand any chance.

Sometimes change is worth the hassle of learning and shifting our mindset. This type of change is about reaching for our hopes and dreams, it’s worth it. This is happiness as a whole where we feel alive and satisfied. This is happiness that allows you to jump in and thrive and live a fulfilling life.

You can jump on this ride whenever you’re ready. There’s no height or weight limit but you do need to work for it, just not running at full speed 24/7 as you’ll be too stressed. When all the foundations of your basic needs are sorted, start with one simple goal of being more reflective. Then you can work on these seven skills.

These skills will last you the rest of your life and change how you think, act and react. Imagine a more positive, calm and resilient life. Where you’re aware of your own worth and set the boundaries you need to stick to your values. You’ll have the people in your life who support you in every opportunity you take.

Fulfilment won’t just show up and disappear, it’s a feeling that warms you to your bones and makes you feel at ease. It will make you feel alive as you go through the rollercoaster of life. Fulfilment is a potion that drips into your bloodstream making you feel enough, more than enough.

So why not set aside the idea that your dreams will only happen if pigs could fly and learn these seven simple skills and make it happen.

My Recommended Reading List

These books are my recommendations on this topic. The Poetry Pharmacy is a great when you need a boost. Daring Greatly is about transforming your life and Mindset is by Carol Dweck who pioneered Growth Mindset thinking. The beautiful cover of this journal is Klimt’s work called Fulfilment. I hope that they can support you in your own journey to fulfilment.

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Which of these skills are your strengths or weaknesses? Tell me in the comments.

Stay safe,

L 💜

P.S I can help you out yourself first by creating personal well-being strategies using my free well-being plan. This will help prioritise your own needs, such as building self-esteem and making time for self care or doing the things you love. Or if you want to get on a waiting list for updates on my first ever well-being journal, please sign up to my Strong Mums mailing list here

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✋ Hey there! I hope you’re feeling stronger now. If so, sharing the love will help me help other mums with chronic invisible illnesses.⬇ Hit one of those sharing buttons or save the images to Pinterest and I will do a bed-bound happy dance – there’s an image for you!
19/10/2020