Strength Of Tears

Tag: well-being for mum’s

How To Overcome Genuine Anxiety Caused By Mum Guilt
How To Overcome Genuine Anxiety Caused By Mum Guilt

Feeling guilt as a mother is surprisingly common. Most often thinking we’re not with our kids enough or that we’re getting it wrong. Add to that, thinking we’re not Instaworthy or comparing what friends are doing, and we have a problem!

When I was first at home with chronic illness I’d do more than I should because I felt I wasn’t a good enough mum. This would make me feel physically worse and anxious. The biggest adjustment is my own expectations of a mother’s role.

I’ve since worked on being more mindful by journaling about my feelings, such as missing family time or comparing to other mums. This has given me strength to squash meltdowns by not listening to the evil guilt goblin sitting on my shoulder.

Click the image to buy this journal from Not On The Highstreet
I’m sharing my experience and understanding of how mum guilt causes anxiety.
- What is Mum Guilt?
- Common Concerns Mother’s Have
- 7 Practical Ways To Overcome Guilt Meltdowns
- Conclusion
I’m not a medical professional, this is my personal opinion. Some activities may trigger mental health conditions and I discuss anxiety and depression. See a professional if needed. Please see my full medical disclaimer on the policies page.
What Is Mum Guilt?

Mum Guilt is a term used to describe the inferiority a mum can feel. Guilt is described as a feeling of worry or unhappiness, explaining why so many mums feel this way. But guess what? Mums aren’t perfect, so all mums feel guilty at times, real or not.

Mum guilt is most often experienced by working mums. But it’s as pervasive, if you live with anxiety or depression or have a chronic illness or disability. If your needs hold you back in your parenting role, you can feel guilty. So I wrote this poem.

Get your free wellness plan to balance your actions as a Mum and focus on making the best memories to reduce mum guilt. Click on the image to download.

I don’t have it all sussed regarding mum guilt. But I’ve learnt not to worry about what may have been and focus on what I’m feeling now. I find it hard not to be with my family so a lack of control when I have a bad day makes it hard to put anxiety aside.

My boys were 10 and 11 when I became so unwell I needed support. I felt unable to do what I saw as the role of a mother. I felt I was doing ‘it’ wrong and the ‘I shoulds’ held me hostage in a dark place where I had no control. Anxiety took the wheel!

I’ve worked really hard to manage my anxiety so it couldn’t take full control over me and eclipse what I needed to focus on to be the best mum I could. Download my free anxiety busting exercise guide with amazing grounding techniques to reduce anxiety below.

Get Your Free Download Here

The pressure we put on ourselves to be the best is a big factor but we can’t be perfect. If you’re worrying about this, then you’re a great mum already. Yes your kids need you to be there but ultimately they need you to be you!

“The very fact that you worry about being a good mom, means that you already are one.”

— Jodi Picoult
Common Concerns Mother’s Have

All mums have at least one of the concerns below and I’m sure there are many others. If your actions ensure your child is protected, you don’t need to worry. If you are, offload to your trusted circle to help you deal with any negative feelings.
- Feeling torn between working or staying at home
- If you’re neglecting the kids by looking after yourself
- Trying to keep the house clean and tidy
- Missing the child’s milestones
- Having high expectations of yourself
- Getting cross with them when it’s not their fault
- Not knowing what your role is
- Spending time with your kids
- If the kids are active and healthy enough
- If they have consistent boundaries
- What your child eats and drinks
- If you have a flare or go in to hospital
- What you put on hold to be a mum
- Not being able to play because of pain
If we bury how we feel about these concerns we may react strongly unexpectedly. The intensity of this can send you into meltdown so we need to be mindful of our self-talk. Find out more by listening to Brené Brown’s Book – The Gift of Imperfection.
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The high expectations I have of myself despite being ill, means I can miss that guilt goblin manipulating my self-talk. I’m more aware of him sneaking past my protection and can interrupt him before it leads to an anxiety attack.

“I was always fraught with guilt and it’s such a waste of an emotion. It keeps you out of the moments of being where you are”

— Kyra Sedgewick

7 Practical Ways You Can Beat Mum Guilt Meltdown

Having practical ways to beat mum guilt will help you avoid meltdowns. Being more mindful of these thoughts and emotions can help you have more balance in your life.

“Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions”

— Elizabeth Gilbert
1. Have a process for dealing with your emotions

Your personality type and parenting style will direct how you work through your feelings. Having a method at your fingertips to use you can break the cycle of negative thinking. Here are a few ideas for processing these thoughts.
- Journaling – write your thoughts but find a positive note to end on.
- Change perspective – look at it from a neutral viewpoint, what do you see?
- Let yourself feel by doing a visualisation. Read about these meditations here.
- Be present – what behaviours do you notice? What’s triggering them?
- Write a note or record a voice memo of 3 things you’re grateful for.
- Distract yourself with short mantras or activities like grounding techniques.
Anxiety

Download my simple anxiety exercises in my Strong Mum members free resource area.

Get Your Free Anxiety Busting Exercises Now
2. Listen to your child

This may sound obvious but I mean actively listening. To do this:
- Give your child your full attention by stopping what you’re doing.
- Look at your child as they speak.
- Let them talk at their own pace even if it’s tempting to get on with housework.
- When they finish, repeat what they said back to them.
- Add details about how they might be feeling and why.
If you and your child aren’t used to this practice, you could role-play it beforehand so your child knows what you’re doing. For more information on active listening read this article.

If you’re struggling with this concept, imagine how you feel when you can’t get your point across. You’d feel frustrated at not being heard and despair of it when you get unwanted advice instead of empathy.

3. Search for the source

Finding where your feelings of guilt come from can be a game changer. It isn’t a one and done solution, it will take you working at it! Having a solution focused approach means you don’t get stuck on the problem as you’re working to solve it.

Read more about using a solution focused approach in my blog about strategies for coping with anxiety. Take these steps to start you off.
1. Relax and think about your strengths as a mum.
2. Write or draw about your qualities as a mum and what your day looks like.
3. Highlight 1 or 2 problems and all the positives you have.
4. Create a goal for one of these problems based on your strengths. Break the goal down into steps to work on over time.
Our parenting is shaped by our childhood, often wanting to improve on or avoid negative memories. We were aware of this but my brain disease led to a breakdown of communication but we restored this and developed resilience and empathy.

My chronic illnesses affected how we worked together as parents. We went to family therapy which shaped our new approach of active listening and being solution focused. We developed a teamwork approach, making celebrating wins priority.

4. Stop comparing yourself to other mums

The way most of us share our lives on social media, with mums showing images of a perfect life and creating a page for their littlies. Most only show rainbows and smiles with ‘DM to collab’ info. I’m not knocking this, it’s a great if you want that.

Even without social media we’ll compare our parenting to others but comparisonitis is at dangerous levels. The pressure about how we look and act as a mum has been linked to the steep rise in mental health problems.

We need to be mindful of our behaviour around other mums and conscious of the message we’re sharing when we post on social media. Instead of forcing your lifestyle on others, lift each other up, sharing each other’s joy. Don’t be that mum!

5. Declutter for less pressure

I do a self audit a few times a year to protect myself. When I became ill, I let people in who hurt me, people I thought understood me and chronic illness. This increased my anxiety levels and I’m still wary. Ask yourself these questions every 2-3 months:
- Who has been there to support me recently?
- Who have I contacted and not heard back from?
- Have I checked to see if they’re okay?
- Have friends with chronic illnesses been mutually supportive?
- How long has it been since hearing from long term friends?
- Have those you’ve confided in been there?
Think carefully before taking action, remembering some people don’t know how to handle chronic illness. Can you show them? To beat mum guilt your circle needs to be trusted and give honest advice.
1. Text those you believe to be trusted friends, check they’re okay. Chronic illness or mental health problems can make us forgetful so be sure your decisions are solid.
2. Narrow your trusted circle to your partner, supportive family members, a few proven friends and your doctor/therapist
3. Remove friends on social media and who don’t support you or your family or haven’t engaged with you.
4. Delete phone contacts who you haven’t heard from in 12-18 months.
This collection of books are available from The Book Depository. I recommend these for building self-esteem and a sense of purpose. Using journaling exercises and reading to understand your purpose and role, will help you beat Mum guilt.
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6. Be kind to yourself

Either heading back to work after maternity leave, being a stay at home mum and/or have chronic illnesses or mental health problems will leave you conflicted. Working late or staying in bed has repercussions but this is the time to be kind to yourself.

Remove ‘should’ from your vocabulary! Caring what others think you should be doing with your child, takes away from what you offer uniquely as their Mum. Know that you are enough and belong as a loved mother to your child.

“When we can let go of what other people think and own our story, we gain access to our worthiness—the feeling that we are enough just as we are and that we are worthy of love and belonging. Brené Brown ”

— . Brené Brown

We were never meant to raise children single handed so reach out for support. If you can’t play during a flare, it’s okay. If you use a childminder, it’s okay; you deserve a break. You’re worthy of being the best mum for your kids and to be loved for that!

7. Allow yourself time for you

You were someone before you were a mum, and that person is still relevant. You’re the glue that holds everything together, even if someone else adds the sticky tape, so you need to be healthy. Mum guilt can stop you taking care of yourself.

I remember the guilt being amplified when I had depression and anxiety from grieving the life I’d had. I was so hard on myself for it but 6 years on, my kids don’t remember, Time for yourself is a priority and I don’t mean 5 minutes in the loo on your own.

You deserve spa treatments and meeting up for coffee without the kids. You deserve weekends away, date nights and a long soak in the tub. Being a mum is hard so you need balance. You need to enjoy the sun, laughter, sticky hands and puddle jumping.

Conclusion

Guilt is something I’ve carried all my life but letting myself feel it has shown my strength. I’ve worked hard by using my techniques for coping with anxiety. The more I focus on my strengths as a mother I can beat any meltdowns the guilt goblin brings.

My life coach has helped me work through my mum guilt. As a mum you need to be memory maker, entertainer, caregiver and chief giggler. Carrying guilt can stop you being these.

Limiting the influences in my life is a work in progress but taking control of it has helped when my anxiety is high, helping me beat mum guilt meltdowns. This includes time for pursuing my own interests because my children need me to be happy.

Now my boys are older, they can talk to me about their feelings because we’ve made this a priority so we can all feel heard. This has ensured they know I love them unconditionally which in turns shuts the guilt goblin up and helps you beat your guilt.

I can help you do this with my free wellbeing planner that’s perfect for this. Sign up to my Strong Mum’s mailing list for access to this free download by clicking below.

Get your free well-being planner

This can help you feel valued by your family and even more so, yourself. You want your kids to accomplish their dreams and beat things holding them back. Who better than you to be a role model for drive and resilience in pursuing their passions?

What makes you feel guilty? Tell me in the comments.

Remember that if you’re asking about mum guilt, you don’t need to worry. You are a good mum!

Stay safe,

L 💜

P.S I can help you beat mum guilt by creating personal wellbeing strategies using my free wellbeing plan. This will help prioritise your own needs, such as building self-esteem and making time for self care or doing the things you love. Or if you want to be on the waiting list for my Journey To Balance Journal, sign up to my mailing list at the bottom of this page. ⤵️

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✋ Hey there! I hope you’re feeling stronger now. If so, sharing the love will help me help other mums with chronic invisible illnesses.⬆️ Hit one of those sharing buttons or save the images to Pinterest and I will do a bed-bound happy dance – there’s an image for you!
03/10/2020
Emerging Strong From My Chronic Pain Conditions Challenge
Emerging Strong From My Chronic Pain Conditions Challenge

This story is about the impact chronic pain conditions have had on my life. I have a rare brain disease called Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension or IIH. I also have Migraine and Hypothyroidism and have bouts of depression and anxiety.

I’ve worried about an unknown future as I’ve had the challenge of a rare condition and misunderstood diseases. I felt frustrated by the doctors who didn’t listen to me. Knowledge is power so I became my own advocate to find the right treatment plan.

I feel like a strong Mum as I emerge with my story today. However, the reality is that I still face challenges every day. I do still have wobbles and mini meltdowns making occasional appearances but I have the strength to get through it,

My family and friend’s love enables me to embrace every day. I want you to feel empowered to raise awareness of your condition and challenges you face too. Anxiety is still what challenges me the most so read about my coping strategies here.

Living with chronic pain or illness is different for everyone but by reassuring you and giving practical advice, I hope I can support you on your journey. The solutions and strategies I’ve tried, help me and my family live a mostly balanced life.

My Life Before Chronic Illness

I met my husband Joel at University when I was training to be a Primary School Teacher. I’d already trained and worked as a nanny and I loved being in the classroom, seeing the children grow. Joel’s ability to draw at midnight was a bonus.

We moved to Hove when I got my first job, teaching children ages 4-8 from mixed backgrounds. I stayed at the school for 11 years, working with multicultural children, children with special needs and integrating kids with autism from the specialist unit.

Joel and I married in 2003 and had a baby boy a year later. Eldest taught me how different looking after other people’s children is than your own, but I was still strict in both roles. I adored being a mum and we had another baby boy 21 months later.

We nearly lost Youngest at birth who was born quickly with the cord tight around his neck. He was taken to the special care ward whilst I was sent back to the maternity ward, surrounded by mums with their babies. I’d never felt a sense of loss like it.

That night he had a 4 hour seizure and we were told to prepare for the worst. Thankfully he just pulled through but they couldn’t find a cause. It was put down to trauma and 11 days later we came home. We had another 5 day stay weeks later.

Youngest was given the all clear aged one but it had taken its toll on Joel and I. I developed postnatal depression and severe panic attacks. I asked for help and went to counselling. Since then we’ve valued and always worked on our mental health. Read this easy to use self help book about postnatal depression.

Postpartum Depression and Anxiety : The Definitive Survival and Recovery Approach

The Day My Physical Health Changed

One day in 2009, aged 32, I woke with a sudden sharp pain around and behind my right eye. Standard painkillers didn’t help the pain, which was so severe I cried with every movement. I was signed off work for two months whilst my GP tried to help me.

I was misdiagnosed with infections and 2 chronic pain conditions before I was finally diagnosed with atypical migraine. I was given strong, preventative medication which my body took months to get used to. I had a phased return to my part time hours.

Although the medication worked I still had low level constant pain, affecting family life and interfering with weekend plans. So I explored alternative therapies until I found a cranial osteopath who helped me live less painfully and our family more happily.

We could travel again and had many family adventures. The best thing was not being sensitive to sound so I could go to gigs, swim and watch the boy’s school shows. I aimed high and was promoted to an Early Years specialist and Senior teacher.

Becoming A Chronic Pain Sufferer

I started having migraine attacks every weekend. Then in January 2014 I had an attack that wouldn’t ease so my GP did an urgent referral to a neurologist who said my migraine had become chronic. Sadly that pain’s still with me years later.

I tried to push on but it was unbearable, I took sick leave, thinking I’d find a solution with traditional medication and natural therapies. Over the next 8 months I tried every migraine medication, elimination diets, reiki, reflexology and more but nothing helped.

I couldn’t teach and began worrying about the future for myself and my family. I kept fighting it but the neurology team didn’t seem to care. I’d be upset on the phone to the nurse due to unbearable pain and she’d tell me to talk to my GP about ‘my mood’.

My tears fell from frustration of being unheard and the unrelenting pain that seemed different to the migraines I knew. So I researched constant headaches and a new symptom jumped out at me; the ‘whooshing’ in my ears was pulsatile tinnitus (PT).

This was the first piece of the puzzle so I joined an online support group. I heard of a PT specialist in Cambridge and boy was that long car journey to see him worth it. He took my situation seriously and suspected Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension or IIH.

I had to wait for the tests to confirm this and was told this would be a long process. I was on the migraine medication Merry Go Round, spending months weaning myself on and off of high doses of preventative medicine. Nothing improved my symptoms, although I got a little relief from using aromatherapy oils, especially this Neals Yard Lavender Essential Oil.

My neurologist found out that I’d sought this second opinion and he refused to treat me. I knew I still had migraine so I was devastated. As the months went on, the ‘long process’ felt like forever. The pain lay heavy on me so I became severely depressed.

I was losing my sense of self and felt left to rot. My GP was concerned so ran blood tests which showed I’d also developed Hypothyroidism. This explained the amplified feelings of hopelessness. My life became a chronic pain conditions balancing act.

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What is IIH And Could I Have It?

“IIH is associated with raised fluid pressure around the brain. The fluid that cushions the brain is called cerebrospinal fluid (CSF). It can cause disabling daily headaches and visual loss, which can be permanent.”

— iihuk.org.uk
I started researching the symptoms of IIH, although I knew I didn’t have eye (optic) nerve swelling, called papilloedema. I was convinced I had it despite the headache specialist I saw shutting down my questions about IIH, as I didn’t have papilloedema.

IIH without Papilloedema (IIHWOP), is a very rare type of IIH. Less is known about it and many Doctors deny it exists. But the Cambridge team were working with other patients with similar symptoms to me so sticking with them was the best decision.

To be diagnosed with IIHWOP you need brain scans and a lumbar puncture (LP). Your explanation about the details of your symptoms is vital so I needed to document my experiences so I could give the specialists a clear picture of what was happening.

IIHWOP affects people differently so someone may have some or all of these most common symptoms. They may have additional symptoms too but all impact your quality of life. These are the most reported symptoms – read more about this here.
- Headaches
- Pulsatile tinnitus (PT)
- Visual obscurations – temporary black outs or grey outs
- Blurred or double vision
- Photopsias – short term flashes of light
I still suffer with the same symptoms I had originally although the intensity changes. As well as PT, I have constant pain in my head, neck and around my right eye. I get very nauseous and have poor mobility; I can get dizzy, black out and stumble or fall.

I also suffer with brain fog, a type of cognitive dysfunction involving memory problems, lack of mental clarity and an inability to focus. This is linked to all of the chronic pain conditions I have but it has improved with each surgery I’ve had for IIH.

IIH has left me disabled and bed-bound most of the time. I used to feel guilty about how this limits what I do but now I live day by day, saving my energy for family and friends. My family is about living a happy life, full of laughter and making memories.

The Challenge To Get Treatment

My CT scans showed narrowing of blood vessels in the transverse sinus. This is part of the system acting as a conduit for the blood needed to oxygenate the brain. Watch how blood should drain into the dural sinuses through the internal jugular vein.

This means I have restricted venous outflow so fluid builds up in my skull, causing a pressure cooker feeling. Headaches are a symptom of all my chronic pain conditions, so I’ve documented how they affect me to help me get the treatment I need.

However, getting the treatment for such a rare disease isn’t easy. Nothing was worse than a trip to A&E in late 2014 at the end of an intense weekend after I’d blacked out for the first time. When I finally saw a doctor she would only give me paracetamol!

My pain levels were so high, I was shaking as my legs felt like jelly.My GP prescribed a cocktail of pain relief, including oramorph, the following day. Of all my chronic pain conditions, IIH was the hardest to control, often leaving me I able to do anything.

This was a new level so Joel pushed for Cambridge to do the diagnostic tests. I was officially diagnosed with IIHWOP after the consultant listened carefully to how well the LP had temporarily reduced my pain levels, despite my LP result being low.

My treatment plan, however, was delayed for over a year as their trial was under review. In 2017 I had my first of six surgical treatments. I’ve had skull and spine surgeries to create room for my veins and brain stents to reduce CSF build up.
The Truth About Living With Chronic Illness

The truth is that living with chronic pain conditions tests your limits. We knew it would be a marathon, not a 10k race but I’ve had to accept that I need walkers, a stairlift, a wheelchair, and my gig ear plugs, to make it possible for me to go out on better days.

Joel’s my main carer and my boys are young carers for me. I also have a PA here each weekday lunchtime who is like a family member now. She ensures I eat and wash. She cooks, does laundry, keeps things tidy and is perfect company for me.

Joel, myself and the boys have had to adjust how we live day to day with chronic illness in the mix. But by learning how to communicate effectively we’ve developed a stronger bond. The boys have become independent and resilient.

This is key to being able to thrive despite challenges. We work as a team to develop and encourage personal growth. My teaching skills have helped me facilitate finding solutions by making time to reflect on life whilst being mindful.

Joel’s always been more spontaneous than me so I’ve learnt how to make the best of my good days. I still love seeing friends or going out to eat but I have to be aware that all activity has consequences with high pain and sleep disturbances afterwards.

We’ve created new routines to make the most of the time we have. We plan time together, such as family get-togethers and date nights. The boys tell me about their day and Joel and I make time to talk about how we’re feeling. This pays off long term.

I know I’m so lucky to have Joel guide and stand by me through the toughest times and enjoy the good when we can. Chronic pain conditions impact your relationships so you have to make time for each other and find ways to release the stress.

The Chronic Pain Conditions Lifestyle Lowdown

Life can change overnight when you develop chronic pain conditions or mental health problems. When that involves family, your relationships change too. My story shows this and how we’ve succeeded by mixing plans with a day by day attitude.

Some people are diagnosed quickly with fairly common conditions, some spend years searching for a diagnosis. Wherever you are on your journey, it’s vital to learn about your condition and its symptoms so you make informed choices for treatment.

Any diagnosis leads to questions and concerns about the future. I believe that this is when you need a sense of purpose, especially when facing big changes and decisions. This is why I began blogging about my journey to raise awareness.

I’ve worked hard on my well-being to cope with the depression and pain that can hold me back. I refuse to let it win so I use distraction tactics. I am creative, I meditate and try to put myself first. Read about how I prioritise my wellness needs here.

My husband struggled with his mental health and as our boys were young we chose to do family therapy. Thankfully my husband and children supported me in the good, bad and horrendous times. We built strategies to build good mental health for us all.

Developing routines and structure leads to healthy communication which has made our family an awesome team. With their support I’m now emerging strong with hope and determination to get through hard times and enjoy the good.

Stay safe
L 💜

P.S I can help you create better wellbeing strategies for living with chronic pain conditions. Download my free well-being planner here to prioritise your needs. If you want to get on a waiting list for updates on my first ever well-being product, please sign up to my newsletter below.

✋ Hey there! I hope you’re feeling stronger now. If so, sharing the love will help me help other mums with chronic invisible illnesses.⬇ Hit one of those sharing buttons or save the images to Pinterest and I will do a bed-bound happy dance – there’s an image for you!

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08/09/2020
10 Must Have Opportunities For Time Management Benefits
10 Must Have Opportunities For Time Management Benefits
Lets face it, we’ve all experienced forgetting what day it is or losing sight of our goals, especially during 2020. This affects productivity, meaning a struggle to meet deadlines. In my normal brain fogged life, I experience these minor annoyances daily.

So my aim is to help others cope with this, whilst living with change and uncertainty, by using my own experiences of switching perspective. The emotional wounds from sticking to old routines or being closed to change, can impact our physical health too.

For example, Youngest didn’t know where to start on a task he’d set himself recently. I intervened as I knew his lack of focus was causing him to stress out. Time-stealers like procrastination or overwhelm, may lead to meltdowns but we caught it in time.

Youngest is creative and energetic, which increases dopamine, aka the ‘motivation molecule’, in the brain. But his determination had made him lose focus so he needed a new perspective. Together we made a plan towards him achieving his project.

He loved learning the science that helps us build self worth and focus. We used this and my goal setting style to create a new strategy which transformed his mindset. This change in time management benefits his drive and stopped him procrastinating.

This blog aims to help you assess your time management mindset for your physical and mental well-being. I use my experience as a bed-bound working mum, which will focus on your achievement using these strategies, for creating better life balance.
- Toss Out Your To-do List For Epic Time Management Benefits
- Why Superior Time Management Benefits Physical Health
- 10 Must Have Opportunities For Time Management Benefits
- The Takeaway – Organising Your Life For Maximum Impact On Your Wellness
Before we further explore my number one time returner, I want you to focus on one thing you’ve been putting off. Keep this in mind whilst you read about and explore whether these ideas could help you manage your time better.

Toss Out Your To-do List For Epic Time Management Benefits
Yes, I know this may be shocking as when I asked my followers, a To-do list seemed to be a necessity. But I want to show how changing one thing can benefit you. For me that’s been throwing out To-do lists and replacing them with a simple strategic plan.

It’s so easy to write a To-do list but we can easily become frustrated when things on the list aren’t finished. Our brains shut down if there are more than 7-8 options, so we’re unable to prioritise when facing a never ending list, struggling to finish anything.

Read about how to prioritise in my Exclusive Guide To Wellbeing blog here. My wellbeing plan is an example of an alternative way to record a To-do list, as it helps the brain focus.

“Think of a filing system…if you merely file papers away with[out a] system, the filing system will have an adverse effect.” From the article Why To-Do Lists Don’t Work (And How to Change That) which you can read by clicking here.

I hope you try planning more strategically so you see how much those To-do lists are holding you back! A small change can give you time management benefits, both emotionally and physically. Why not try changing to something from these ideas:
- A To-do list on it’s own can become a long list that’s overwhelming, leading to procrastination and not knowing where to start. Our brains need a simple process for productive thought, such as using categories and organisation.
- Psychologists have found that smaller goals get accomplished more often so break large tasks into achievable chunks to make them more motivating. This works just as well with projects as it does for regular household jobs.
- You will need a more structured plan than a To-do list for most things, to bring clarity, focus on categories and priorities. Estimate how long each thing takes to manage to complete and explore ways to record within these boundaries,
- I create time chunks on my daily planner for how long to spend per action, as this helps me pace myself. I also do similar things at similar times to be more systematic. I follow a timetable to help me focus my mind on being efficient.
- However you choose to structure your priorities, you need to review them regularly so you can plan ahead more creatively. Reviews allow you to create specific, personal and simple actionable tasks, that motivate you to succeed.
  
  Download your free Wellbeing Planner and guide to use as a basis for exploring other ideas..
Get your free well-being guide here

Do you write lists for the lists you need? I fall back into this habit if I don’t use tools like this planner to create systems for my thoughts. If I lose focus now, I write what I’ve done on a list, just to tick them off, but this has zero time management benefits!

However when we see what we’ve achieved, big or small, our brains get a boost of dopamine. This is associated with pleasure and reward and it’s telling your brain: “This is great, let’s keep doing that.” Being aware of this, helps to reassure you.

But the problem with dopamine is it can’t distinguish whether you’re really achieving anything, especially your prime needs. This can be a big problem with To-do lists. Read about this and how to boost productivity here.

We need efficient systems that help us be productive, Simple To-do lists are just not the most effective way to organise our thoughts and things to achieve. I hope you see how to add structure whilst being aware of outside factors affecting our productivity,
Why Superior Time Management Benefits Physical Health
- I’m often asked how I can work whilst I’m so unwell I live mostly in my bed. Simply put, I use distractions from the pain such as writing. I need extra support if my illness flares, as I can’t plan for this and it affects my sleep, diet and limits my mobility more.
Pacing my energy levels for work and play is an ongoing balancing act. I’ve learnt to plan rest into my day for time management benefits or I’d keep going when I need to stop. It isn’t easy to pause work for your health, so this hasn’t been natural for me.

When I was asked to write for Teva Life Effects in 2019, I was worried that deadlines would increase my anxiety. Thankfully my editors understand my physical health can vary so my own health needs always comes first. You can visit my author page here.

Learning the strategies that help me plan and prioritise has decreased my anxiety, so I’m working on a project to help you implement strategies that limit increased physical stress. You can read how I cope with my own stress and anxiety on this blog post.

To ensure time management benefits my physical wellbeing, I plan for work, play exercise, hobbies, reflection and growth. My brain condition affects my awareness of time, so I use these tips and tricks to help me be better organised and more focused:

General
- Ask someone to tell you to be ready 30 minutes earlier than needed
- Use a playlist that lasts a set amount of time you want to spend on something
- Do a time audit – Time regular tasks to work out how long each takes you
- Set a limit on the number of tasks you do in one day so you can be flexible
- Use an online calendar, synced across devices, for events and special days
- Stay on top of or remove notifications and limiting open tabs for a tidy screen
Planning
- Plan using a paper or digital planning tool and block similar tasks together
- Organise and do tasks, projects, work and jobs at home by using categories
- Plan to do the most important things first, at your best time of the day
- Plan short breaks after long tasks to do calming meditation or exercises
- Create buffers around meetings as the brain can only focus for 90 minutes
- Plan set times for checking your emails, social media etc for less distractions
Doing
- Set out your day with time for work and play, blocking similar tasks together
- Know the importance of tasks to see what to do, delegate, delete or defer
- Understand the true cost of time spent so you can reflect it in your pricing
- Set a reasonable time to aim to put work down and screens away each day
- Keep a record of what you achieve as this will boost your motivation levels
- Revamp your schedule to replace bad habits and set up healthy routines
Use these ideas to transform how you focus time and energy. Make changes to your planning slowly, only scheduling 75% (or less) of your time for less pressure. Make ‘me time’ a weekly habit as a great way to reward your achievements.

You may think multitasking is a great way to get lots done but research shows your brain copes better by focusing on one task at a time. Research has shown that multitasking can actually reduce productivity by as much as 40%.

Swap multitasking habits for more focused plans to increase efficiency. This simple swap for better time management benefits your physical health as you’ll feel calmer by eliminating stressful distractions. Read this article on multitasking and the brain.

Your personal body clock impacts your level of focus. We all work better at different times of the day so try swapping something that improves your physical health e.g. moving your exercise time or starting work early and finishing early for better sleep.
Sunrise Alarm Clock

Wake up naturally with 30 minutes of a slowly brightening alarm after sunrise begins.

Create a timeline for what you want to achieve for short and long term targets. This helps us focus on our priorities and set small steps for more realistic goals. Regularly review plans for what works best for you for consistency and increased efficiency.

Good time management benefits our control over our own actions and environment to support us in meeting our goals. Planning helps us prioritise important activities and limit urgent tasks that will have a strong effect on our personal and work life.

10 must have opportunities for time management benefits

These are some of the systems I’ve used to help me pace my life, so I can be a bed-bound working mum. Effective time management allows me to be flexible when I need to be, without losing focus and leaves me with more energy for family time. I’ve ordered these so you can find the strategy you need.

1. Understand Your Priorities

This Eisenhower box helps you understand what you need to focus on. Write the tasks you need to do in a 4 part grid like this to organise your thoughts. Prioritise important but not urgent tasks to limit tasks that become urgent.

The 4 D’s Do, Delegate, Delete and Defer helps you make quick decisions, especially when it comes to opening emails. This box helps you focus on whether you can delegate tasks or decide if you need to do it at all.

You need to limit your list in each box to less than 8 tasks so your brain doesn’t get overwhelmed. Use a timer to stop you procrastinating over these decisions and enjoy the time you have to balance your wellness needs.

I love how simple the structure is and how it makes you organise your thoughts quickly. Delegating tasks is something I don’t have a budget for yet but this helps me see how I’ll have more time when I can hire support.

Is that task from 3 months ago still relevant? This is a simple way to sift your tasks to find what’s important to you? Reviewing your plans regularly keeps you focused, so set a personal time limit for moving items to the delete box.

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2. Finding Balance

Nora Roberts, an American author, speaks of the roles and responsibilities we have as mums. These help balance our self worth, which is vital for wellness. Nora uses an analogy about how we have to juggle balls to find life balance.

She speaks of imagining life as a game in which you are juggling 55 glass and rubber balls. Each ball represents an activity you do at work, home or with the family. What you juggle can change each day, depending on the task.

You’re going to drop things every once in a while so you want to focus on catching the glass ones as a rubber ball bounces back. Rubber balls are checking emails, making dinner or meeting a work project’s deadline.

A glass ball represents what makes me happy, giving your kids unconditional love, sharing life lessons and knowing your self worth. It’s knowing you may need to sweep up broken pieces and try again. Read more in this blog post.

I think this is a great way to explain how to prioritise in a visual way. I always want to do things perfectly so I don’t let anyone down. It takes a long time to change mindsets but this analogy struck a chord about how much we do.

It’s made me think about the pressure I feel to catch all the balls. I can give myself a break from the guilt about the small stuff. Dropping some rubber balls will give me a break and I should rethink how many glass balls I have.

“When juggling as much as you are, remember that some balls are glass and some are rubber. You can’t drop the glass balls.”

— Nora Roberts 2008

3. Chunking

I know I need a clear structure to my day but I wanted to try chunking to see if it was more efficient for me. Chunking is when you group information and tasks into manageable-size chunks which can be done in a sequential order.

Plan chunks of time for specific purposes in your schedule or on a timetable, with time for the most demanding tasks when you’re at your most productive. First prioritise what is most important and give it your undivided attention.

Start with sessions of about 20-25 minutes and build this up. Follow this focused time with a short break doing something fun. Stick to your schedule and give yourself deadlines for each task so you can review your results.

I’ve been playing with this way of working for a while and I love focusing my time on the most complex task first each day, just like I leave my favourite part of a dinner until last. This part works really well for me and I love the breaks.

I enjoy focusing on one task but only manage this for a short time. I struggle with memory and concentration so it takes me longer to write a blog like this. I’ll keep working on avoiding task switching as this works well for friends.

4. Say No

When Mum needs to say no!

Click here for 3 simple steps to say no so you can focus on you.

Making room for what matters to us is the most important thing we need to do when managing our time commitments. Streamlining commitments to others and being a little bit selfish is important to set boundaries.

Saying no is one of the hardest decisions you have to make as you may feel you’re letting someone down. Learn the language to say no without hurting anyone’s feelings. Say no to the guilt or worry and be honest, firm and polite.

Once you’ve become clear about your priorities, you’re more confident to stay in your own lane. I’ve found that politely saying no to online friendships and weeding people I don’t connect with out of my life, has been freeing.

I think this is a vital step in creating more time in the day for my loved ones. When someone asks me to take something on I’m usually tempted to say yes because I love helping others. So I’ve tried saying no at home and for work.

Saying no is one of the things I know I need to focus on and stop giving my time away for free by politely saying no. This includes saying no to checking emails on date night, scrolling and being present during your planned breaks.

5. Me Time

When you take on too much, finding time for some little Me Time seems impossible. If you find yourself squeezing this into your schedule, think again! Me time can give you headspace most days and much needed personal time.

If you don’t make a commitment to breathing space into your routine you will burn out! Spend time each day on your thing, be it reading, painting or taking a bath, do something that makes your soul happy for more focus and drive.

You may think it’s impossible to squeeze Me Time into your day, living with small children or constant pain. But all you need is to find 5 minutes to an hour for yourself. You can even use some of that 25% unscheduled time.

Wellness is my number 1 priority and being kind to myself has been my mission for the past few years. I chose one thing to focus at first and used my wellness planner (sign up to my mailing list to get yours) for a month at a time.

This is an easy yes for me. I’ve focused on using this time for meditation or bed yoga. On bad days I binge on box sets or take a break from social media but as long as I switch off from the world, I’m saying yes to me. Try it yourself!

6. Reverse Engineering

This simply means planning your projects by working backwards from the outcome you want. This term comes from reproducing a product but used in this sense it makes you think how to achieve your goal in small steps.

Be clear and specific about your final outcome so you can work towards it. Then implement the small steps that will get you to the finish line. This stops you moving your goal posts, although I suggest you keep flexible deadlines.

The time management benefits from working like this is that you have a clear focus. This will make you work more efficiently and you’ll feel calmer from the dopamine boosts. Take time to analyse and adjust your steps to stay on track.

I’ve worked this way since my teacher days as we’d always have an objective for each piece of work that would build up to a final piece or collection. It’s an easy way to break down a project into small goals with a clear vision.

For my writing I work towards final pieces so I want to know the exact path I’m taking. To do this I record my goals in a variety of ways to help me visualise what I need to do e.g, mind maps, categorising or vision boards.

7. Everything In Its Place

Being tidy and organised is time management 101 but it needs mentioning. It can make a big difference for starting work efficiently if everything’s kept in a way that our brains can access the tools quickly. Create a checklist for this.

Emails and DMs are some of the worst culprits for being a mess. Check all of your accounts daily, remove notifications and arrange them in priority folders. The time management benefits of this offer you emotional freedom.

With regards to storing content, move everything to the cloud, keeping backups of all content such as photos and work from clients. Make sure everything is organised and isn’t taking up storage you may need.

I keep my inbox tidy with folders and flag important emails to find them easily and check you’re on track. I check any links or codes when sending emails or posting on social media. I remove notifications on apps so I can switch off.

Creating systems that all involved can access is important for household jobs and teams at work. Being organised improves my efficiency so using Trello boards for my plans has developed a clear process that a VA could access.

8. Review and Reflect

Reviewing your work and systems and reflecting on their efficiency is important for organisation and adding anything forgotten to plans or systems. Reflection is important to develop a deeper understanding of the project/task.

Regular reflection is one way time management benefits health. You can learn how to improve and create more life balance. Making a list of forgotten tasks or those to carry over helps to clear your mind before you go to sleep.

The benefits of looking back at your day, week, month, etc is to help you reconnect with your long term goals. Reflect on your day and write one thing you’re a) proud of, b) happy about and c) grateful for that day.

At the end of the day, I find it important to look back at what worked and what didn’t so you can make improvements. If things don’t go well I can end up obsessing over it, so I’ve learnt to carry over a task to the next day or week.

In the past I would have gone over and over things I felt went wrong, thinking of what I could have done or said differently. Now I carry it over using a simple code I use in my journal, something I started after researching bullet journals.

9. Rewards

When you make a decision, your choice is certainly influenced by your motivational state. External rewards can sometimes undermine intrinsic or natural motivation. When engaged you find meaning in choice or progress.

Intrinsic rewards are a healthy and sustainable source of motivation with little chance of burnout as you experience more positive than negative feelings. This motivation is focused on a shared desire for the team or family.

The use of rewards increases your serotonin levels, keeping you calm and productive. Serotonin is produced whether you achieve something or simply remember something you’ve achieved. This article explains how this works.

I use rewards to remind myself of my achievements and even reward effort. I have used rewards to motivate my own children and those I teach but they’re not just for children so I plan a small reward each week for my commitment.

I’m motivated to achieve my long and short term goals by planning activities or small gifts to myself that may or may not relate to the goal. Try a pamper day or family time, such as visiting an open air attraction like a zoo. I recommend limiting food related rewards.

10. Stay Inspired

You get a surge of pleasure when you achieve what you set out to do. This triggers the brain to release dopamine, the chemical responsible for the focus and motivation needed to be productive.

You can boost dopamine levels by listening to music, exercising, and good sleep hygiene and eating foods rich in tyrosine (needed to make dopamine) which is found in almonds, bananas, avocados, eggs, beans and fish.

If you’re struggling with energy levels to get through the day you may need to explore natural ways to reduce stress. This can be found through meditation, massage therapy or taking natural supplements to boost energy levels.

I use the SMART system for goal setting (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time bound) by breaking my down goals into 3-4 small tasks so I have small wins. These inspire me to stay focused and energised to the end.

I’ve more recently understood the science behind setting goals. Now I know that recording my accomplishments and rewarding them will keep me motivated I continue to be inspired and have increased productivity levels.

This is a lot of information but all will support physical and emotional wellness. I suggest focusing on one area at a time for time management benefits. Once chosen reverse engineer what you want to achieve and break it into small action steps.

What one thing can you change this week for better time management?

Last Words – Organising your life for maximum impact on your wellness

I wrote this blog about time management benefits to help you create a process for reassessing your priorities and understanding the sequence of events to do this. By adjusting to your needs you can be more productive in all areas of life.

It takes skill to know exactly what your focus is on any area of your life. Focusing on time management benefits your mental and physical well-being. At different times in life we need to revise or learn new systems to help prioritise what will lift you up.

Feeling overwhelmed can lead to demotivation, procrastination or guilt about how you spend your time. By increasing our energy and creativity we boost our efficiency. Having a clear plan helps you devise new ideas that build a productivity cycle.

I’ve shared my best strategies here for devising a system full of time management benefits. My number one tip is to break goals into small, repetitive tasks and order the day to get the hard stuff done first to create headspace.

I’ve also learnt to focus on being ‘done not perfect’, but as perfectionism is where I go when I’m stressed I need to keep working on this goal. Using small steps and doing one day at a time lowers stress levels and leads to better mental and physical health.

“[Mother]… taught us not to become perfectionists, which is where a lot of procrastination and time-wasting occurs. Nothing is less efficient than perfectionism. Her great adage, which I still adhere to, was: Done is better than good.”

— Elizabeth Gilbert

Overall it’s important to know that you can change your way of working for time management benefits. You may need to use a few tricks and tips or it may be as simple as changing your perspective for maximum impact on your wellness.

Get your free well-being planner

In my introduction I asked if you have one thing you’ve been putting off. Now I would love to hear what you’ve been procrastinating over and which strategies you think you could use to get that done, even if it’s not perfect? Tell me in the comments.

Stay safe,

L 💜

P.S I can help you create better wellbeing strategies using my free time management planner to help prioritise your needs. If you want to get on a waiting list for updates on my first ever well-being product, please sign up to my newsletter below.

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✋ Hey there! I hope you’re feeling stronger now. If so, sharing the love will help me help other mums with chronic invisible illnesses.⬇ Hit one of those sharing buttons or save the images to Pinterest and I will do a bed-bound happy dance – there’s an image for you!
23/08/2020
The Surprising Benefits Meditation Can Have On Your Well-being
Chronic Illness, Pain or Stress To Meditation and Bliss!

Whether you’ve never given a thought to it or have a love-hate relationship with Meditation, you’ll be surprised at the benefits meditation can have on your well-being if you give it a chance.

🔗Disclaimer this blog post contains affiliate links and any purchases made through such links will result in a small reward for me and my crafting habits. Oh and there’s some free recommendations too, Im nice like that.

So as a meditation lover, I’m here to answer your questions, bust some myths, let you in on some surprising benefits and set you up with a mindset for finding a meditation headspace. If you’re intrigued about these benefits then check out the amazing Dr Deepak Chokra.

My own experience with medication started when a friend reached out when nothing helped my constant pain and resulting stress. Meditation changed that and now people want to know my secret.

So this article will has my top tips for using meditation to relieve agony from chronic pain or illnesses and help you get you a few minutes bliss every day and I’m offering a meditation guide download for you which you can get by signing up here for all my free resources.

But first, what coping strategies do you already use for chronic illness, pain and/or mental health conditions? Could you adapt them by adding meditation for improved wellbeing? Read on to find out more.

My Own Journey To Using Meditation for Chronic Pain and Anxiety

When my migraine became chronic, I was chatting to a fellow migraine warrior about it affecting my sleep and stress levels and she sent me links to two guided meditations. So I’m paying that kindness forward.

Try them here:

Healing Light Energy Full Body Scan – The Honest Guys

Guided Meditation for Anxiety and Stress – Beginners – Jason Stephenson

It was so easy to follow the instructions for the body scan so I got comfortable, switched off my phone and pressed play. The gentle music calmed me instantly and the guide’s voices didn’t annoy me, which was a win.

I’d tried meditation in Yoga classes before and even at a teacher conference once, yep really. But I loved how this meditation made me feel so the next day I did the longer meditation and I was hooked.

If you get hooked too then I recommend these meditation more substantial audio downloads to have anytime

Elements -The Collection By The Honest Guys

Sleep In Peace -Guided Meditation By Jason Stephenson

Why these meditations had an impact on me.
1. They were accessible and I wasn’t asked to empty my mind or chant ‘om’ in the lotus position.
2. Listening to calming music through my headphones helped me to block out noise for a bit.
3. I found the voices calming when friends had said many Youtube meditations were annoying.
4. After a few weeks I felt less tension, had a few more lower pain days and better sleep.
5. I learnt a few different breathing techniques so when I had anxiety attacks, I coped better.
Meditation is now a huge part of my physical and mental well-being and top of my self care routine. So I want to share my story so I might help any frazzled mums (or anyone reading) who’s in pain and/or lacking sleep.

Some of you may be doubting that this is for you? Some of you get it already so what’s the point? Well I haven’t even got to the juicy bits yet so wherever you’re at, read on for ways meditation could empower you!

Also, I’m telling you now about my free download of the best guided meditations in my opinion, which will save you doing all the hours of research I have. Grab yours by scrolling down and signing up to my newsletter.
5 Reasons For Using Meditation To Reclaim Your Success

I’m glad to see you here, thanks. I’m sharing how meditation can help you reclaim success in your health, parenting, sleep, or work-life balance. Whatever’s important for you to get control of, meditation can help.

Firstly, we all have different lifestyles and meditation is personal to you as a beginner, a busy mum, someone living in pain, a returner or something else. So please leave any “But, I can’t …’ excuses here and dive in.

Why? Well you need to leave negativity behind to access that thing you’re craving. However this isn’t a magic cure so don’t expect miracles either. You do need to some work in, but you always have a guiding hand.

I use what I’ve learnt from practising meditation techniques without even thinking about it these days. I’ve even taught my son’s some of the things I’ve learnt, such as positive self talk or breathing techniques.

**However I need to make it very clear that meditation is not a cure and that it’s your responsibility to check with a Doctor if it’s okay for you to meditate. i can’t offer any medical advice..

The 5 Steps To Successful Meditation
1. Reflect
  
  During a moment of quiet, reflect on the day ahead or the one just gone. Make the time to think of your long and short term goals and visualise your big dreams so you know where you are.
  
  Wherever you find yourself, it’s your own path, so it’s fine but these things help us connect with our day, environment and lifestyle. Just remember you can’t control everything or do it all now.
2. Consider
  
  We have access to news, emails, social media and more. 24 hours a day. We drive when we could walk, work late and have screens on before bed. All affecting our sleep and relationships.
  
  Take some time to consider whether you’ve planned time to rest, exercise and eat healthily. Consider what you could do to help you with your own well-being and in close relationships.
3. Remember
  
  Remember the magical moments we had as children? I know that’s not how we all feel, but I’d hope that’s what we want for our children. Meditation can help you address past events safely.
  
  It’s so important to make time to talk with our partners and/or family about our day and theirs, even when we feel awful. Showing you care enough to ask will help build trust and respect.
4. Hidden Stress
  
  The need for visible success in every aspect of life can easily creep in unnoticed. Comparing our lives to the portrayals of others filling our newsfeeds often brings hidden stress to our lives.
  
  We can become overwhelmed with no warning and sneaky stresses explode. We need to focus on ourselves, so we can avoid burning out, for our loved ones and for ourselves.
5. Headspace
I think about my brain a lot, with the constant pain and that so when I was researching for this blog, I discovered that “The brain is constantly making new connections and breaking old ones”.

Obviously, I knew that the brain is complex but it showed me how important it is to keep that grey matter healthy. In reality, we’ll all have a limit before information overload lets stress or anxiety in.

Meditation Myths Busted!

I’ll say it, meditation is hugely misunderstood. So I’d love to know what you think about the whole hippie vibes thing and silencing your mind. Maybe you think you’re fine and don’t need it or that you’re too busy.

I’d love to know what you think or whether you have something else that’s holding you back. Comment below or email me, I’m happy to answer your questions.

But let’s get myth busting and see if you could create time and headspace for meditation. Do you want to know how to stay calm you when anxiety strikes? Or maybe you can find some calm in a sea of problems.

Myths 101
- I’ve tried it and it didn’t work – Yep there’s loads of info out there saying it curea this and solve that but can you blame a tool? Has trying once and hoping for the best ever worked for you?
- The biggest myth is that you have to silence your mind. Nope! Unless you’re truly dedicated to meditate this won’t be you but it can be an amazing for quieting your mind, with practise.
- Being too busy is contradictory but I hear you! Did you know this though, stress ages you? It is hard to find time to chill but meditation is one activity where you’ll get back the time you put in.
- We all say we’re fine, even when we’re not, you know it! But meditation has more restorative effects than sleep and it releases feel good hormones. Maybe it’s just worth a chance.
- Meditation may seem like hippie nonsense, even though it’s practised in many religions. Some meditation types are full on but when there’s medical proof it helps, maybe we need a rethink.
The Takeaway

Some of these points may have been surprising and not even have crossed your mind when you’ve thought of meditation. If you have chronic pain, mental illness or everyday stress this really can change your life!

I can meditate with high pain levels, about the same level as giving birth, so this is achievable for you. If you’re craving five minutes peace or need help to get to/a good night’s sleep (new baby excluded), this will help.

Once you’ve built up some practise, meditation can give you the headspace to reflect and consider how well you’re taking care of yourself and remember what’s important to focus on. It will give you time to de-stress.

The myths that hold people back are just that. Instead, think of meditation as equipping yourself with tools and techniques to deal with the stresses of life. You can even use it to teach your kids for their own self care.

In the free guide I suggest using an amazing app called Headspace. If you like it but need an extra push to get you started then try out these book recommendations to support your journey towards improved health, happiness and well being, in as little as 10 minutes.

Stay safe, Laura 💜
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How Meditation Can Help Mums With Chronic Illness

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How To Change Chronic Agony Into Bliss With Meditation

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P.S. I hope that whatever you felt about meditation before reading this, you’re ready to give it a go yourself. If you just nodded then you need my Meditation Freebie for more top tips and links to my favourite guided meditations.

To grab it, sign up to my new newsletter below for exclusive offers, freebies and the lifestyle lowdown. Oh and I promise to only show up your inbox when I’ve something to say. Or head to this link and add your details.

Please help me out by clicking on any of the images above ⬆️ or use the sharing buttons at the bottom of the page to share this on your social media with friends who’d enjoy this blog.
11/03/2020